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Theyre back again with the forthcoming release of Robert Eggers revenge epicThe Northman.
Eggers is far from the first filmmaker inspired to look northward, revenge plot in hand.
He wont be the last.
Hollywoods pre-NorthmanNorthmen are a rough bunch.
*Cue prolonged death scene and flaming-ship burial.
*
To be fair, Viking warriors and raidswereincredibly violent.
We know because the people on the historical receiving end told us.
The Vikings, real and imagined, were a strange bunch.
They were stateless and pagan in a feudal and Christian Europe.
This made negotiations difficult and imbued the Vikings with an inherent strangeness still felt in portrayals of them.
Viking movies are full of outsiders.
Newly popular are deeper portrayals of Viking-age life and people.
Its off to the races in a flurry of feathers and fake blood.
No fourth act of a Viking epic has escaped its shadow since.
The Vikingsis streaming onAmazon Prime Video,PlutoTV, andTubi.
The rest is high melodrama, clanging swords, and duels to the death.
And no one prolongs a death scene quite like Cameron Mitchell.
Erik the Conquereris streaming onTubi.
Dusan Radics score is strange and beautiful (if a bit carnivalesque during the mass-rape scene).
Everything else is hopelessly messy.
Turns out smashing togetherThe Vikingsand 1961sEl Cidis not a foolproof strategy for cinematic success.
The Long Shipsis available to rent onAmazon Prime Video.
At the end, the good guys win and Athor quite literally rides off into the sunset.
Mind the Mediterranean bluffs in lieu of Scandinavian fjords.
Knives of the Avengeris streaming onTubi.
Erik the Vikingis streaming onTubiandPlutoTV.
(Its labeled diplomatically as a Crichton/McTiernan Production.)
The 13th Warrioris available to rent onAmazon Prime Video.
Pathfinder(2007)
Pathfinderis probably not as bad as you remember.
Its not much better, granted, but it has some fun moments.
Funnily enough, the exact opposite seems to be true of everything else in this movie.
Pathfinderis available to rent onAmazon Prime Video.
But at least now we know what it would be like if Grendels mother was hot.
Well always have that.
Beowulfis available to rent onAmazon Prime Video.
There are episodes ofAncient Aliensthat feel marginally more dignified than this.
Take that however you like.
PostCasino RoyaleMads Mikkelsen plays an 11th-century Norse warrior turned rising star of the Scandinavian slave-gladiator circuit.
The directors trademarknerve-shredding pausesstretch into near-interminable intervals of waiting.
Its a strangely-paced dark odyssey, not action-packed but certainly not action-free.
In some ways,Valhalla Risingmay be the only anti-climactic Viking movie ever made.
Thats not a criticism.
Valhalla Risingis streaming onAMC+.
Youre here to watch Chris Hemsworth fight a robot, not dissect the nitty-gritty of Viking mythology.
With Kenneth Branagh at the helm,Thoris essentially two movies crammed into one.
The second is … a boring fish-out-of-water comedy?
Natalie Portmans most startlingly bad performance?
Hemsworths natural charisma in the role explains the characters continued popularity, and it floats the movie.
If its good enough for the Viking scholar, its good enough for you.
Its also just super-cute and entertaining.
Consider the hearts warmed.
How to Train Your Dragonis streaming onPeacock.
Vikings(201320)
No false advertising here.
Althoughit just got a spinoff,Vikingsnever felt like a show for everyone.
Showrunner Michael Hirst knew that and never compromised its ultra-specific blend of gore and medieval geopolitics.
Vikingsis streaming onAmazon Prime Video,Hulu, andPeacock.
The Last Kingdom(201522)
The Last Kingdoms drama is, historically speaking, real.
(Hence the name of the show.)
Its a whole thing.
The action is the star here, but worth noting are several of the shows supporting performances.
Emily Coxs increasingly embittered and determined Brida raises the tempo of every scene shes in.
Brutish and superstitious warlords at the start,The Last Kingdoms Vikings become complex villains and fragile allies.
Chalk it up to the writers room settling in.
Either that, or the march of history.
The Last Kingdomis streaming onNetflix.
