Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
To Whom It May Concern:
I spent a long time thinking about whether I should write this apology.
I guess I shouldve known better since I was raised Catholic.
When I was young, I dreamed of becoming an important comma.
Now thats a legacy!
When I finally received my assignment on my 18th birthday, my family celebrated.
It was a plum gig, in many ways.
Even so, I couldnt shake a lingering sense of disappointment: Was this all there was to life?
(No offense to anyone involved.)
My body quivered uncontrollably.
I tried to stay in place, but I couldnt handle it.
How important could I be?
he often yells at no one in particular.
I was down at the Run-on when I first saw the headlines.
How DidDont Worry DarlingBecome So Worrying?
Dont Worry DarlingConspiracy Theories, Ranked by Plausibility.
My heart began to race and beat out of time.
(Yes, we have hearts.)
My bulbous upper body began to sweat.
I had been found out.
What must my family think?
There hadnt been a comma scandal this high profile in years maybe ever?
I begged for my old job back, to no avail.
I had brought shame upon us all.
Drowning my sorrows in booze offered no relief.
I knew I wouldnt find peace until I earned some forgiveness.
I am truly sorry.
Sincerely yours,
