Bachelor in Paradise
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Ooooohhhh that felt WEIRD.
Majorly weird, but oof, this show is making me align with some strange characters!
And its also making me feel bad for them!
Theyre like … excited for it?
And doing a bunch of nonsense to make that more likely.
Is that what you think you should be doing?
You dont get to poke the bear and then cry when your arm gets snatched off.
And Shanae doesnt even snatch anyones arms off!
(Well, not really.
She definitely shouldnt have called Logan slow.)
The thing Shanae is the most annoyed about isnt that Logan was interested in Kate.
That sucks, yes, but Shanae was busy smooching Tyler.
I cant believe Im saying this, but GUYS, SHANAE WAS WRONGED.
I dont like this!
c’mon, someone, free me from this empathy!
Lets get to it.
This week has been about testing your relationship and seeing if it can withstand temptation or adversity.
He says that the beach will be a very different beach when they return.
Genevieve & AaronLook at these two big-featured, big-mouthed goofs.
These crazy kids just might make it work!
Wow, wow, wow.
He asks about the other guys that were there and she tells him she didnt even look at them.
Aaron says that yes, the new girls came in and some guys were tempted …
BUT NOT HIM!!!
He didnt go on any dates, girl!!
Thats still your man!!
They made verbal commitments and they both stuck to them!
He says he spent every day in the pool playing sharks and minnows.
Shes all in on Logan.
Andrew says, Storm Shanae is here.
Fuck you, dude.
Not funny, not charming, not witty.
Ableist, misogynist, and just plain gross.
Fuck off … forever!
I guess, dude???
Breaking up with themisthe resolution of grievances.
Logan says it didnt seem healthy to him and Kate finally saw him and heard him.
Oh, sometimes I forget you cant see me rolling my eyes through the computer screen.
Logan asks Shanae for a hug and she says no.
Okay, does Shanae say that Kate sounds like a man?
Yes, that is bad and I cannot and will not defend it.
I just wanted you all to see me be objective.
Second of all, the little lion at the end of the film is Kiara, Simbas daughter.
Put some respect on their names.
Shanae and Kate have a meeting of the minds.
She also gloats that it must be hard for Shanae that Logan went over to Kate.
Shanae eventually walks away and Kate says that a tiny part of her relishes in annoying Shanae this way.
I dont think its a tiny part, Kate, and this is the worst possible look.
Logan wraps up the segment by saying hes tired of being a punching bag.
I know you cant see it, but can you guess what hand gesture Im doing right now?
This one is rough.
He apparently hasnt put any thought into this very monumental conversation.
Jill comes down to the beach so excited to see Jacob and hes also excited to see her??
What am I looking at here?!??!
Jill tells him right away that shes been miserable and just waiting to see him again.
Hes very interested in how many guys were there and if anyone from his season was there.
Sir, who cares?
Jill finally asks him what happened with the other girls.
He says he made a connection with Kate and she bursts out laughing.
Oh, Jill, I wish you kept this energy.
Did he do anything to actually make you feel safe?
She decides immediately that shes going to leave.
Jacob says, And I honor that, like hes inHouse of Dragonsor something.
A Lyft driver broke my heart!
He sold his couch for cash!
Ten thousand oofs!!!!
Andrew & BrittanyAnyone else less and less impressed with Andrew the more he opens his mouth?
They awkwardly and mutually agree to split up and pursue their new relationships.
Johnny is all in on Victoria and Victoria thinks that Alex is really tall, so thats cool.
She tells Johnny that Alex checks off a lot of boxes on her list.
I dont have a checklist.
Every day, Icheckthe sunset and make alistof my blessings.
She tries to ask Johnny what his career goals are.
Which, like … girl, what are your career goals?
Johnny says that hes passionate and motivated.
That wouldnt fly during a Target job interview, sir.
If shes not all in on him, theres no future for them.
Johnny leaves it with the ball in Victorias court.
So are there any unexpected shake-ups when the rest of the guys join the beach?
Brittany and Tyler connect again and agree to start their relationship and make out.
What is this little minx up to?
Remember, this is the same woman who dumped Ivan for Chris last season.
Who knows what shes about to start up.
See you next week because … JUSTIN IS BACK!!!!
!
