Bachelor In Paradise
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This episode istwo hours long?Ashley I and Jared are here???
Salley is a suitcase??!
WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THE BEACH?
Is thissome M. Night Shyamalan movieand were on the beach that causes chaos?!
Theres simply too much happening and everyone is crying.
Lets get to it!
There are two to three rose triangles happening.
Listen, I love me some Wells.
Hes simultaneously too famous and not famous enough for all this.
ALERT: JACOB IS A HOT COMMODITY NOW.
Hes got Lace, Hailey, and Kira all vying for his rose.
Justin also decides to tell Victoria that he wants to get to know her even better the next day.
This feels like a mistake.
Genevieve and Justin sit downagainand Justin wants to show Genevieve that hes still thinking about her.
Justin emphatically points at the cake he just brought her.
Might as well get one more present out of the relationship.
and Genevieve says Everything I say you get so defensive!
Pack it up, everyone.
This is not good.
You dont like each other.
Youve seenSex and the Citytoo many times and you think you have to fight to make every relationship work.
Justin reiterates that its day two and hes going to go on other dates.
This is a match that makes perfect sense.
I need these two to get married.
Theyre touching each others hair.
Shes calling him sugar.
He sorta knows her name.
Lets lock this shit in.
Its time (finally) for the rose ceremony.
Jesse reminds Jill that she can turn down a rose if she wants to.
End of established couples.
Jacob gives his to Lace, Casey gives his to Brittany, which is news to me.
Justin gives his rose to Genevieve and Johnny snatches up Victoria.
Its time for Romeos rose.
Kira, Hunter, and Hailey are going home.
This is way too fucking much for day two, my gals.
Kira drives straight to a Senor Frogs and picks up a cruise ship passenger.
Its the next day in Paradise and the women have the roses and the power.
These two big dumb idiots.
All the women are ready after the nonsense the men have been putting them through.
All their heads turn as James and Aaron storm the beach like the American military.
James and Aaron have a double date card.
Also, Im expected to remember that Shanae accused Genevieve and Aaron of hooking up right after Claytons season.
James picks Shanae and Aaron picks Genevieve for their date.
Both womens lesser-abbed partners spend the rest of the day moping and sleeping.
This is … not the look.
Everyone is also worried that Shanae and Genevieve are going to have a bad time on their double date.
If there are lots of options, the villainy is diffused.
Now Ashley I and Jared arrive in Paradise just to hang out??
Theyre there to give advice and get a parents weekend.
I watched their weird little romantic story video.
These people have nothing to impart.
SHUT UP!!!!
RODNEY HAS A DATE CARD!!
EVERYONE IS SCREAMING!!!
ROD-NEY!!!!!
Let Rodney take every woman who has been wronged on a massive group date.
Let Rodney hand out multiple roses.
Let Rodney be the Bachelor.
Thats what Im actually asking for.Paradiseis over.
Rodney is the lead ofThe Bachelor.SAVE US RODNEY!!!!!!!!!
We think youll respect us!
Rodney takes Teddi aside and shes being awfully flirty.
She brushes something off his lip and keeps fussing with her hair.
She says shes excited hes here and that hes cute.
I dont know, girlfriend.
You have two cute, friendly guys who want to take you on dates.
I think its working as intended.
She pulls Andrew aside and, oh boy, I cannot decode this conversation.
Teddi says because its not working with Andrew, she doesnt think its going to work at all.
Everyone is shaken, everyone is weeping, the balance of Paradise has been thrown into chaos.
Who is Rodney going to ask on this date?!
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