Below Deck
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We have set sail in Saint Lucia aboard the 197-footSt.
Davidwith our trusted Captain Lee, and Im worrying, darling.
Im getting ahead of myself.
Lets start with some introductions.
Chef Rachel is back, and she gets her own cabin.
And she has to do it all alone!
I wish Bravo gave her a sous-chef or a literal runner.
I fear our favorite self-proclaimed mercenary chef is not being set up for success.
In the interior, we have the beloved Fraser running the show.
She wants to do her job, make her money, and get home to her Gemini boyfriend.
The second stew, Alissa, also seems great.
Shes competent and professional … until she has to deal with the dreaded deck-stew, Camille.
As the great Taylor Swift would say, I knew Camille was trouble when she walked in.
Another weird thing to say?
I dont listen toCall Her Daddy, but I imagine Camille is a huge listener.
She simply doesnt seem like shes here to work.
She can barely fill a fridge!
Guessing Ben seems like the obvious answer, especially after the pairsTitanicstunt.
Ross also seems to be channeling major Gary ofSailing YachtLothario vibes, but in a slightly less lovable way.
Ross is a seasoned pro bosun, and I have no doubt that his work will shine for itself.
Ben and Katie seem fine.
I wonder if Katie and Camille will have drama about being in the boys club.
Captain Lee agrees with me, which is how I know my opinion is correct.
Speaking of Captain Lee, I had no idea he was fresh off of back surgery!
I know the producers love to tease us, but I hope he doesnt leave halfway through the season.
His shoes are too big to fill!
Moving onto our Mormon (!)
First, are we going to get anRHOSLCcrossover?
Its what we deserve.
Second, I am obsessed with Peng Lim and his crew.
For receiving such shitty service, theyre rolling with it quite well.
Theyre hungry and paying top (or discounted) dollar!
But their mild pissiness seems completely appropriate and almost funny.
I do have one mild meal critique: the menu.
These drunk bitches dont want cauliflower soup!
They want gourmet munchies!
Not all guests would be this chill!
And nor should they be.
Urine stains are gross!
I also think Pengs line delivery of asking Fraser, Do you know about Mormons?
is worthy of some kind of award.
Im not sure what, exactly!
But I will be thinking about it for quite some time.
At least the crew manages to deliver for Pengs birthday rave.
Giant cutouts of Pengs face?
Tonys appreciation of local culture?
Check, check, and check!
I cant even imagine Captain Lees reaction to her lack of work ethic.
What will day two bring us?
Im almost scared to find out.
From the Galley
Can someone get this Captain Lee a captains chair that swivels?
He just had back surgery!
Camille claims she likes bad boys, but then says she dated an SEC quarterback.
The best guest moment?
Peng asks why a platform is wet before his friend kindly reminds him, Were on an ocean.
The Captain Leeism of the week has to be him shading resumes where people write that theyre self-motivated.
Whats this about injecting Botox into balls?
Actually, Im not sure if I want to know.
