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Bushwicks hottest restaurant is theMyrtle Avenue Burger King.
There is a play place thats never open and balloons always brushing up against the neon star-shaped fixtures.
So its almost bittersweet that Burger Kings new campaign is all about keeping things real.
By most accounts, these would qualify as artificial.
But Burger King doesnt clarify what it means by artificial.
Its a treatise on artifice, celebrity, the self, and American cheese!
Its basically theAnnetteof celeb tie-in fast-food concepts!
Theyre the real (get it??)
names of:
NellyAnittaLil Huddy
… And heres where the Kings Gambit backfires.
Burger King reinforces its no-ones-first-choice-at-the-highway-exit status by going with a handful of less-than-A-list names.
The stores screens had zero graphics promoting the Lil Huddy and Anitta tie-ins.
There were ads for something called Cheesy Melty Cheesy Tots, but nary a Nelly.
First up was the Nelly meal: a Whopper with cheese, a small Sprite, and small fries.
It was old school and refreshingly restrained in its choice of small side and drink.
Theyre long, golden rectangular prisms of potato with each edge and corner defined by a crispy crunch.
They werent salty enough, but thats probably a good thing, cardiovascularly.
I think this may have just been an excellent batch.
Nothing exciting, but no complaints, either.
Next was the Anitta meal.
Ill be honest: I didnt know who Anitta was before this week.
First, a note on a conspiracy: Are celebrities ashamed to admit they like Diet Coke?
In nearlyevery celebrity mealIve encountered so far that specifies an accompanying drink, thatdrink has been Sprite.
Is Sprite really the default?
Or a Coke, even?!
Travis Scott meal: Sprite.
Saweetie meal: Sprite.
Now both the Nelly meal and the Anitta meal have Sprites?
It is too much.
Paint with more colors.
The world is large and Coke Freestyle machines vast.
It didnt taste meaty so much as meatloafy.
For a vegan option?
The fries are vegan, too.
We confirmed through Burger Kings allergens page that the Impossible Whopper does indeed include egg via mayonnaise.
The Impossible Whopper, mayonnaise and all, is true to the spirit of that.
My apologies to any vegan readers who were offended by this error.
(Sorry you want your burger TO BE EVEN DRIER.)
Temperature was this meals biggest enemy.
Thanks for tastemaking, Lil Huddy.
People dont go to Burger King because theyre in the mood for real ingredients or real celebs.
Enjoy asimulattewith that shake andstream partycrasher while youre at it.
