Dangerous Liaisons
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Dangerous Liaisonshas survived and thrived throughout the centuries because its entire premise hinges onsexy intrigue.
Were here to watch people in period clothes bang.
And bang they do, my friends.
Lets start by clarifying that this is a prequel, not a straight-up remake, ofDangerous Liaisons.
Marquise Genevieve de Merteuil has compromised herself because Pascal Valmont is very good at sex.
How can she get him a title?
But apparently she can.
Apparently a marquis is below a duke but above a count.
So theyve got some pull.
Or maybe she prefers that to the alternative!
Who knows; I unfortunately will never get to ask her.
Victoire is the practical friend you need when youre in love with an amoral turd like Camille is here.
He does have Leonardo DiCaprioMan in the Iron Maskhair.
And, as mentioned, seems to be very good at sex.
But, much like herMoulin Rougecounterparts, a girl has got to eat, Pascal.
His plan is blackmail.)
Pascal has an actual job, and its something to do with mapmaking.
He and Camille have sex on a giant table map, and the whole time, Im like FLUIDS.
Youre going to RUIN it.
Theres a drop cloth there, but you cant tell me they were careful!
Black Hat Man tells Camille its his job to dump the streets of immoral persons.
His name is Gabriel, but from now on, he shall be known as Frollo.
But of course he isnt!
But Jericho knows hes there and insists he pay for Camilles time.
And so it comes to pass!
Camille finds a blackmail letter from Madame de Merteuil where she rhapsodizes about their time together.
Camille is not okay with destroying women by blackmail!
A point for Camille!
She does not have a plan, but they burn the letter anyway.
They arrange to meet under a bridge the next evening and run away together.
But who was listening on the other side of the curtain?
Victoire trusts no one, and Victoire gets shit done.
I love Victoire.Her one weakness: her dopey friend Camille who is in love with the aforementioned turd man.
I wouldnt trust him either!
I fully support this theft.
Since Pascal told Camille he wont blackmail anyone anymore, he makes one attempt to not do that.
That attempt is visiting his stepmother.
Look, I know these are traditional wicked stepmother beats, but she is great.
Pascal is the worst.
What didhedo to earn that money?
Be born to someone?
I hope Pascals stepmother returns.
So Camille and Pascal need to get to the bridge, but they are both briefly waylaid.
WAS IT WORTH IT, PASCAL?
This is no longer the romantic elopement Camille envisioned.
One of her many, many, many doors.
What Im saying is she has a big house.
Merteuil asks how much for the letters, but Camille does not want to blackmail her.
She does not believe women should be punished while men are not.
This feels like period-accurate feminism!
I support this, show.
What Camille does want, though, is for Merteuil toMy Fair Ladyher.
More specifically, she wants to be taught how wealth and power can offer protection.
She tries to send away Victoire, but Camille refuses.
Marteuil says fine, Victoire can be her deaf and silent maid from Marseilles.
Victoire isveryupset at having to pretend to be from Marseilles.
I really hope Merteuil is being genuine here because I loved it.
She believes love is lethal and that your lover is your enemy.
She advises Camille to hide her pain and close her heart to love because it can bring her ruin.
This is intense foreshadowing for the originalDangerous Liaisons.
We close on Valmont at the opera, still trying to threaten Merteuil with the release of her letters.
Frantic, he returns to the map room and searches for them, but they are GONE.
What will happen next!
Undangerous Questions and Ponderings
Can we finally get some 18th-century lesbians?
What if the women fromPortrait of a Lady on Fireshowed up?
Will Frollo get a musical moment like Disney Frollo?
He kind of seems like hed do it if he had the chance.
