Make Hollywood Horny Again
A week-long celebration of erotic thrillers.
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The most potent aphrodisiac in cinema is the erotic thriller.
Its the almost-porn that ushered thousands (millions?)
of us into adulthood.
But erotic thrillers dont have to be a solo activity of our youth.
Let these horny films be the match that lights your shared adult bed aflame too.
This week, we will be watching Paul Verhoevens steamy Hitchcockian masterpiece,Basic Instinct.
The movie is sexy even when everyones clothed.
This is our foolproof plan to turn movie night into … moaning night.
Sorry, that was the best pun we could come up with.
Step 1: ensure your choice of erotic thriller has a little something for everybody.
Erotic thrillers are about gorgeous women and demented men.
And usually, its the man whos divisive.
For example, not everyone finds Michael Douglas sexy inBasic Instinctand for good reason.
Hes a stalker-misogynist-abuser-narcissist, and he appears consistently damp.
Seriously, neither of us have ever seen someone that greasy in San Francisco.
Nick Curran is the real villain, and any pain he suffers through the story is well deserved.
ButBasic Instincthas Stones Catherine, so we persist.
Chores are not sexy!
Have a conversation with your partner about who they find sexy, but more importantly who theydontfind sexy.
This will ensure youre both on the same page.
And when in doubt?
Break out the ice pick.
Its always best to lubricate the pipes during an erotic thriller.
Just dont literally break out an ice pick.
First of all, who still owns an ice pick in the futuristic age of the ice tray?
Second, if things escalate in the bedroom, you dont want anyone getting carried away.
Whodunnit leads to Whosdoingit.
(You are.)
Basic Instinctis a knotty thriller with numerous misdirections.
We wont spoil them in case youre joining us on Wednesday and itll be your first time watching.
Dont be shy about turning movie night into a couples guessing game.
Just dont forget youre a team.
Usually its because were incredibly tired and Halle starts snoring on the couch.
But sometimes its because the film has done its job and inspired us to get busy.
The point of watching simulated sex acts onscreen should be to do the real thing!
Trust us, youll want to know how this one ends.
