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Selena Gomez is in the midst of a frenetic, painfully banal press tour.
How are you feeling?
asks Raquelle, looking concerned.
Im very tired, replies Gomez.
Gently, Raquelle asks, Do you want to do your morning meds?
I know the answer, but you should.
Ill only tell you my darkest secrets.
(In one bizarre interaction, a journalist says to Gomez, One DJ, one word: Marshmello.
Gomezs incredulous response: Fluffy?)
Its a tension she readily acknowledges in our conversation, alongside Keshishian, ahead of the documentarys release.
I watched Aleks movie with Madonna, and I was completely blown away.
Ive watched it seven times.
I think sometimes in my position, you’re free to be unattainable.
But she was so relatable that your heart was with her.
I think I wanted to make something that was a little surface-y at first.
I was like, Oh, itd be nice to do a documentary on my tour.
But Alek, it’s possible for you to speak to this he doesnt just do random things.
Hes very much a part of the story and what it becomes.
Alek, I know you were unsure at first about doing another music documentary.
I already felt this kind of protective feeling for her because she was so young.
There were so many things at play.
I said to her, Im not very good with the superficial docs.
Which is why I dont do them very often.
She said, Okay, lets venture to do one with more access and see.
We shelved it, but we stayed friends.
And when she came out of the mental-health facility, we had dinner.
I remember seeing her and going, Wow.
This is like a little fragile bird.
Shes trying to figure out how to fly again.
She came to me and said, Im going to Kenya at the end of the year.
Do you want to go and document that?
Thats actually the only answer.
I wasnt well, and I couldnt continue.
I had to cancel what I needed to cancel to get to live.
She doesnt like seeing herself.
Which is very different from most celebs, who are like, What do I look like in that?
Is that the right angle?
She doesnt have that.
I needed Alek to disappear in order for me to be everything that I was.
And realized that people in every part of the world are dealing with the same thing: their minds.
Your mind is everything.
It provides for your body, for your soul.
The footage from London is completely accurate to what I felt.
But I do want to express to people that interview me, I dont think that about everyone!
I dont think that about anyone.
I was just a little frustrated with some of the questions, thats all.
I did want to ask you about that, the press-tour moments in London and Paris.
Those questions were shitty.SG:Yeah.
They kind of were.
I have had great conversations with people.
And thats the idea of releasing this movie.
The conversations need to happen.
AK:I want to add, my intention when filming this wasnt to throw anyone under the bus.
These reporters are under this pressure to ask sound-bite questions.
I think that says something about media companies and what theyre looking for, not these individuals.
Im curious how much control or approval you ended up having over the final cut, Selena?
Only because I am offering a lot of myself.
I would be lying if I said there wasnt a bit of that unsure quality staying with me.
I kind of feel like,What are people going to think?
Is this too much?
I adore what its become now.
But it was a bit weird for me at the time.
I didnt know if it was okay.
Well see, at this point!
AK:There were a few.
But I tended to be the one who was very careful.For example, the lupus flare-up.
We were scheduled to film, but she was crying and I was the only person there.
I said, I guess I shouldnt film?
And she goes, it’s possible for you to film.
Sometimes she would shock me with her courage.
I think shes right that there was something about Kenya.
It really humbled both of us.
We went, There is a larger world here and our pain can be used to help others.
By the end, I really felt Selena in my soul.
I said to her, When I make a documentary, I fall in love with the person.
So Id never want to do anything that they werent comfortable with.
So when I was editing, I didnt need her there; she was there with me already.
But when she saw the initial long cut, we didnt even need to have a conversation.
I witnessed it through her eyes:The two-and-a-half-hour cut is too long.
Selena, what was it like for you to watch that long cut?
What was he witnessing you feeling and thinking?SG:I think it brought me back to atime.
The things I was watching from 2016, 2017, 2018 I cant believe I was that girl.
That breaks my heart.
I couldnt believe the things I was aspiring to be.
It really broke my heart.
Thats not the feeling I want to give anyone.
I hope I dont.
So watching it was a bit shocking and upsetting.
I believe in people.
I want a big change there.
Its very simple, but I will say I want change there.
I do think people in our position deserve actual questions.
The courage it took for her to get to that place, where she went, Maybe Iamgood enough.
We all are broken.
When we stay in our brokenness, we cant see all the good we can do.
SG:That was so sweet.
Im sorry I started with a little bit of a superficial thing.
Its not perfect, and in some ways, it can prevent actual human connection.
Thats what you see in London and Paris.
Shes not connecting with human beings after connecting so deeply with human beings in Kenya.
Thats really the shock to her system.
Thats what makes her feel sad.
Selena, your diary entries that punctuate the movie are similarly sad.
The first one you read really stuck with me: I have to stop living like this.
Why have I become so far from the light?
Everything I ever wished for, Ive had and done all of it.
But it has killed me.
Because theres always Selena.
I dont want people to think that I will forever live in this sad-girl world.
Because thats not true.
The end of the movie is where I am now.
Living in New York, and just being.
Thats all I want to do.
Selena Gomez, the pop star, which isnt true to who she is.
That Selena is in quotes.
Its not the real Selena.
AK:Its a person people are screaming for.
Does that resonate for you, Selena?
Are you able to separate from that persona now?SG:Completely.
Thank God I can.
Its very nice for that.
Im currently in a little cave and its so lovely and private.
AK: She really is so much more than what people know about her.
He knows Im embarrassed.
We had that material from theRevivaltour, and it ended up working beautifully within the movie.
But when I watch those moments, it is kind of painful.
Because when I filmed them, I wasnt doing great.
But it was beautiful.
I liked the tension between those two things.
To your earlier point, how did you know when you were done filming?
AK:It was almost like the universe conspired to tell us we were ending.
This is a time capsule, but not the ending of Selenas story.
These people took my story and made it something bigger than me.
I was really grateful I keep saying that, but I truly am someone whos grateful for these moments.
Its crazy to realize its about to be released to everyone else who may feel how I felt.
There is a bunch of fun stuff that Im so eager to leak, if Im being honest.
But Im so excited.
Itll be fun and refreshing, I think.
I cant wait to hear it.
What was the story behind it?
I thought it was powerful of you guys to publicly be like, Were moving on.SG:Thank you.
Yeah, its not a big deal.
Its not even a thing.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
