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Here is a list of words that the 40-year-old human with a cooking show Paris Hilton doesnt know.
Oh, loose-glove metaphor aside, Hilton also wears a lot of actual gloves fingerless 80s Madonna-style ones.
As with an old condom on Prince Albert, I worry about the structural integrity of that whole situation.
All of which is to say I made Paris Hiltons Unicornoli, and they sucked ass.
The first thing to know about Hiltons recipes is that edible glitter works its way into everything.
She might have never seen a raw turkey before, but shes got glitter in her salt shakers.
The loudspeakers were playing the Donna Summer disco version of MacArthur Park, a.k.a.
the someone left the cake out in the rain song.
Two shells were two dollars.
A four-pack DIY cannoli kit in the fridge case across the aisle was going for $24.
I dont know what zest of one lemon means, she says.
What is zest lemon mean?
Lacking a zester, she tries to potato-peel the lemon into the ricotta mixture.
She also ends up dumping way more powdered sugar into the ricotta.
Maybe I should have done the same.
I popped it into the fridge for half an hour.
Speaking Ellens name at least introduced a note of drama into the episode, like saying Voldemort.
Are we supposed to put it all over it?
Hilton asks before doing the same and dunking hers.
At least I was true to the series.
But how would it taste?
We actually preferred eating the candy melts straight out of the container.
But the Unicornolilookedfantastic: sparkly, cartoonish, colorful, and glittering.
The pictures came out nice.
And like the show itself, my experiment was ultimately all content creation and almost no cooking.
