Kevin Can F**k Himself
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In the season opener, Mrs. McRoberts Is Dead, everyone thinks theyre the main character.
Well, a sigh of relief, sort of.
And hes pissed, incredulous over Allison: Shes trying to play the victim here?
You tried to kill Kevin.Kevin!
His name hangs in the air, full of bro-ish admiration and longing.
He then spits out a dismissive youre insane Allisons way.
In response, she hits him on the head with the teakettle.
Hes back on the ground, bleeding and unconscious.
Allison makes the only promise she can: She and Patty will get through this together.
But Diane, delirious, isnt in a good space.
I laughed out loud.
Spouting some platitudes, Allison rushes her out of the house and gets back to the basement.
We cut between Sitcom World and Bleak World.
The next day, Allison wakes up on Pattys couch.
Her next move is to go home and say that she went for a run.
In Bleak World, Neils a wounded animal, and a misogynist one, clearly mouthingbitchat Allison.
When the doorbell rings, Patty answers it and realizes that she forgot about her plans with Detective Hottie.
She makes up an excuse on the fly.
Patty decides to leave, with a How the hell am I dating a cop?
Patty and the cop get soup at a diner, and we learn that Tammy cant stand Allison.
Patty sticks up for her neighbor since they put up with the same idiots all day.
But a rift is forming.
When Neil and Allison are alone in the basement, Neil has a moment of astute observation.
All Allison ever says is Buuuuuuuuuuut Kevin!
and when has nagging ever worked?
Neil asks if she tried to kill Kevin because he doesnt care when you whine.
Immediately after, in Sitcom World, Allison finds herself saying But Kevin!
when he asks her to watch the rough cut of his ad.
He immediately mocks her.
The ad is terrible, and it gives Allison some inspiration.
Neil continues to bring the insight.
She saysweall the time like youre into this together.
But Patty, where is she?
You do the work, and she calls the shots.
Bleak World Neil is bringing the receipts!
He says Allison is no victim and immediately loses consciousness.
With all this bitching about Allison, naturally she and Patty have a fight at their house.
She decides that shes not going to go along with whatever Allison does.
Shes the main character, maybe, even though she is just repeating words said directly to her.
Its a friend breakup!
Kevin, to the tune of Wild Thing, calls himself the Woostah Wild Dude!
Hell shoot the BAD dude!
as clip-art graphics fill the screen.
Allison is thrilled (girl, SAME).
She needs to party!
But she cant call Patty in Bleak World.
So she calls Diane.
They hit up the bar and toast to … feminism, or something.
This is maybe the happiest Allison has been.
Shes talking to Diane in a real way now.
Dianes still mired in sadness, wondering who she is if shes not Mrs. Charles McCarthy.
Divorce and breakups, theyre a split in your identity, too.
Allison is confident that Diane can find herself again.
Kevin wins again: The ad gives him a taste of viral fame!
So she drives home drunk and crashes into a ditch.
At the hospital, Allison runs into Patty.
Patty, pissed, says, This self-destructive bullshit?
Its just playing the victim again.
When Pattys not playing the sidekick, shes wise too.
Maybe it runs in the family.
Back in Sitcom World, Kevins drunk on fame.
Hes practically the ninth Wahlberg.
And if Allison died, wouldnt that just be the ultimate tribute to sitcom forebears likeKevin Can Wait?
Maybe Erinn Hayes will be Allisons death-faking Sherpa!
Its not just a sitcom joke; its her new Bleak World plan!
Its a solution to her problems.
Allison yells, and theres a hard cut to the credits.
Starbucks?!
Over Dunkies?!!!
Is it a world without logic?
Why does it bleed into this world?
Kevins sitcom is looking pretty sparse this week with his dad and occasionally Allison.
Bleak-life Neil is a smart idiot, which means he is also very likely a dangerous idiot.
Alex Bonifer is very good.
Allisons phone has an Im Shipping Up to Boston ringtone.
It is easily their best song.
