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In that time, speculation has mounted about who will fill his calfskin size 45 Crockett & Jones oxfords.
(See my qualificationshere,here, andhere.
)Youre welcome in advance.
If this goes well, next well do villains, starting with Daniel Kaluuya.
Richard No Middle Name Madden
Age:36
Birthplace:Elderslie, United Kingdom (a.k.a.
He doesnt have a middle name, which is weird but very Bond-like.
He also looksdamn goodin a suit.
I mean, he basically auditioned for 007 in his TV miniseriesBodyguard.
Youre not slick, Richie.
Weaknesses:He is not at all aware of his surroundings.
I mean, just Google Richard Madden Froy Gutierrez Italy.
Bottom Line:He is a very safe choice, and safe is boring.
Does he look good emerging from the water with his shirt off?
But surely we can do better.
Exactly, no one.
Q wont have an issue with Roman because hes great with gadgets and electronics.
Did he accidentally send his dad a dick pic?
Yes, but it wasone time!
Did he blow up a rocket?
Technically no, but every company needs a fall guy.
Weaknesses:Hes not British.
The other agents would be like, U wot m8?
and his cover would be blown.
Plus, the whole rocket thing was kind of a mess actually.
Bottom Line:You know, not everyone is cut out for MI6.
Maybe he should just take his fathers money and open up an art gallery.
All the talentless NYC nepo babies are doing it.
Who better to honor that commitment than an award-winningactualchild?
I mean, whatelseis he doing for the next decade?
Have you never seenThe Good Sonwith Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood?
OrOrphanwith that scary lil girl who is actually a grown woman?
OrJon & Kate Plus 8?
Weaknesses:Cannot reach high shelves.
How is he supposed to save the country when he cant even reach on top of the refrigerator?
Bottom Line:Maybe not the best choice.
Hmmm, if only there was a spy-movie franchise that starred kids.
He is the mother I never had, the sister anybody would want.
Plus, his characterLazlo inWhat We Do in the Shadowsfamously said, Gay is in.
I want some gay.
Gay its gonna be.
So could we have our very first LGBTQ+ Bond?
Weaknesses:N/A
Bottom Line:What rolecantMatt Berry play?
His file has been moved to the top of the pile with $20 paper-clipped to it.
I mean, have you seenTwins?
Hes funny, resourceful, and most importantly, sexy!
Weaknesses:Being from New Jersey.
Also, hes four-ten, so getting in and out of an Aston Martin may be an issue.
Bottom Line:Uncle Danny may be a bit more cut out for the villain roles.
I love Colin Farrell, but his Penguin willnevermeasure up to Dannys.
(That sounds like a euphemism, but its not.)
Glen Thomas Powell Jr.
Age:33
Birthplace:Austin, Texas
Strengths:Hes literallysohot.
Hesextremelyhot and can reach atop the refrigerator.
Also has great arms.
I am actually moving his file to the top of this stack with $100 paper-clipped to it.
Weaknesses:Is not married to me.
Plus, he has no charisma moving on.
Ezra Miller: Who better to commit crimes for the government?
