Could John Cameron Mitchells gleefully sexual 2006 filmShortbusget made today?
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He has followed me.
I wanted to get a moment alone with you.
Smiling, he walks up to me, drops his pants, and takes out his penis.
What do you think?
It is the early spring of 2003.
But this is a special circumstance.
I choose the wrong words or the right words, but in the wrong way.
Um, I venture, trying to keep my gaze at eye level.
I dont think that … its not really my sense that thats what theyre looking for.
His dejection in that moment makes him look older and more tired than his age (mid-20s).
No, no, I say quickly, its great!
I mean, I cant imagine it will hurt your chances!
The whole package, not just the package, he says, sauntering over to a urinal.
He looks over at me, inclining his head toward the next urinal.
Did you better …
Nope, I say.
I just came in here to take some notes.
Its so exciting meeting all these people, he says.
I feel bad that were in a competition, but I guess we are.
Can I ask you why you want to do this?
you’re free to ask me whatever you want!
Ilovebeing interviewed while Im tugging my cock.
(Which is what he has now moved on to doing, I should note.)
Why do I want to do this?
I believe in him and the way he talks about this.
Where do you think that journey will take you if you get cast?
Definitely away from my current situation, he says.
Because if I do this, I am clearly getting fired.
Now that, he says, is much too personal a question.
He zips up, looks at me, and finger-guns my crotch with a wink.
Your turn next time, he says, and leaves the mens room.
In my notebook, I write, This is going to be complicated.BOUNDARIES.
John and one of his producers, Howard Gertler, had approached me with an idea.
A film that would explore all the possibilities that is, as we defined possibilities 20 years ago.
Sex, even sexual adventure, seemed possible again.
But when John and I met that afternoon,Shortbuswas still a long way from beingShortbus.
I was more than interested; I was in.
We got together for coffee on a cold March afternoon.
Heres what I wrote right afterwards, on the subway home:
I really like John a lot.
Hes slighter and quieter than I would have guessed fromHedwig.
We talk about sex in the movies.
Its clear that this project isnt a lark for him hes very serious-minded and thoughtful about it.
Wants the sex scenes to be hot and the movie to be fun.
He mentions a movie salon where sometimes people have sex after the movie.
I ask him how hes planning to do this.
Financing is not in place yet.
One has been a prostitute since she was 13 (shes now 20).
It yielded about 400 videotaped responses an extraordinary number in the pre-phone-cam era.
Of those,I wrote,he says maybe 40 were worth a second look.
When he makes his final selections, hell run a four-week workshop.
Out of that, he hopes the fuel for a script will emerge.
He plans to write in May.
Production will start in October in NYC and will take about a month.
HBOs cameras are seemingly everywhere.
(The documentary didnt come together in the end.)
I dont know about this.
Two will drop out after tonight, already sensing that this isnt the right road for them.
I make my way over to the quiet end of the room.
Noooo, he says, speaking very slowly.
Because I feel I have self-confidence.
Iamnervous about other things.
Ian, from San Francisco, confesses to some apprehension about his audition tape.
For no reason, I start thinking about my wedding, which is six weeks away.
I picture my family and my husbands family watching me work.
My impression, late in the evening, is that John has chosen his candidates well.
One of them is readingNo Exit(too on the nose?).
Another is talking earnestly about John Cassavetes.
Everybody is talking about sex.
And there is another unwelcome and unanticipated guest in the club: neediness.
Pick me, pick me, pick me!
a gregarious actress yells at me, grabbing my pad.
I like the size of your notebook.
Im not a producer, I tell her.
She says she doesnt care; shes drunk.
Im sure youre gay, she adds.
Its supposed to be a friendly punch, but it is an actual punch.
A drink goes flying.
She says, Fuuuuck, sorry.
Well, on the positive side, at least youre not a producer!
Time for me to go.
Can I ask you something?
a young man says as I make my way to the door.
What do I do if the party ends and the subway doesnt … does the subway run all night?
This is my first time in New York and I dont know how to get around.
I didnt think this was going to be so …
I ask him if he needs me to drop him off somewhere.
He says no, hes worried hell miss something important if he leaves.
That is, if people show up.
By the 1 p.m. call, only about a dozen have arrived.
Almost everybody looks rough.
There is talk of obtaining a large amount of Tylenol with codeine.
Plus, he laughs, I was making out with somebody.
And I saw two of the actors making out, so thats something.
John, itd be great to keep the lightsup,thanks, says someone from HBO.
Theres one guy who doesnt want to show his tape at all, he tells me.
Even though theres nothing on that tape except him talking to me.
Itd be a shame if they dont all agree to be on a level playing field.
If they dont want to sign a release, they dont have to.
The actors file into the auditorium.
Today will be fascinating, he says.
Youll see a little bit of everybody unplugged, uncensored, undressed.
He has their attention now.
Sex is in the world, he says.
The printed-out forms are passed around.
Johns hope is to put the Definitelys together after the watch-athon and see if anything sparks.
Theres a new wave happening here, he says.
And to go there fully, with trust and love.
The actors have a lot of questions, and some have traveled thousands of miles to ask them.
Can you actually show penetrative sex in a movie theater?
Would he ever consider a soft-core version?
No, too much would have to be left out.
How much control are we going to have over what people are seeing?
Not much, John says gently.
Can we watch dailies?
Thats something we can talk about, he says.
One auditionee jerks off on-camera to I Hope I Get It, fromA Chorus Line.
One tape is so scabrous and nasty it actually draws hisses.
Another is so shaky and heartfelt that there is audible sniffling in the theater.
As the tapes roll on, the mood of the audience passes through several phases.
Then, suddenly, everyones a critic, assessing, weighing, comparing.
The three days that follow are challenging.
The chemistry dates, a producer tells me, prove to be 75/25 successful …
I mean, they were 75 percent unsuccessful, which is not so great.
Is it bad that I didnt pair with people?
A couple more of the prospects have decided their journey with this project is over.
I cant imagine being naked with these people.
The audition already felt like too much exposure for me.
John doesnt yet know what hes going to find.
The comment sheets were helpful, he tells me just before the workday starts.
I wish there were more straight men too, but thats who auditioned.
I feel like some of these people have already found boyfriends!
Anyway, were not a dating service, another member of the team puts in.
If somebody cant act, thats it.
I peek at his name on the call sheet, which someone has already begun to unsentimentally annotate.
Good actor from other things, but got almost no bites.
Lots of interestinhim, almost nonefromhim.
Says hes happy to pair with anyone but may just want to maximize his chances.
Instead of acting like youre just horny, this time show me all your disappointment, he tells one.
He works gently with every performer, even when its apparent that theyre wildly out of their depth.
I know I didnt get it, Darryl tells me afterwards.
I just wish I had one more day to hit it one more time before I go home.
As John works with the actors, it becomes clear what his priorities are: a sense of humor.
A sense of elasticity.
A sensitivity to shifting moods.
A knack for reading signals.
An ability to play literally, to be playful with other actors.
A joy in discovering the unexpected.
The call sheets are now fairly stark in their scribbled verdicts: No.
Okay but awfully young.
I think John saw something between us and so he set us up.
But my own situation was really brought home to me during the auditions.
And I could see, in that moment, how messy this could get.
Overall, though, the unconventional audition has been a success.
Those callbacks, though I didnt know it then, would be the end of my time withShortbus.
Can you imagine the intimacy-counselor budget?
And Im laughing, like, Shoulder?!
We werent trying to shock people.
John remembers actors week as being helpful to him.
But the callbacks, he says, revealed how complicated the work ahead of him was going to be.
There were people who could paraphrase but not do verbatim.
There are people who can improvise, but only with no parameters.
And we needed parameters.
A few months after the callbacks, John got his cast together to start work.
Im from Chicago, and its all about improv and experimentation there.
So I was using everything I knew.
Then the film fell apart.
I was so upset, he remembers.
It felt like everything had just crumbled, but my actors held me together.
The long delay in being able to obtain financing become a blessing of sorts.
I think you should always be sensitive to any kind of vulnerability in art, John says.
To many people, sex is not a vulnerable thing, but to many it is.
Young people are having less and less sex every year.
And some of that correctness, that desire to protect the vulnerable, actually fig-leafs a panic about sex.
I dont think I could getShortbusfinanced today, he says.
So Im thrilled that its coming out now, but also a little nervous.
He doesnt know how audiences will react, he says.
But I want to remind people that everyone on that shoot still says its their favorite creative experience.
In 2003, as mission statements went, that seemed solid.
Today, it seems revolutionary.
