Southern Charm
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This is exactly what I hate about Shep.
He wakes up the morning after a night out with the boys and calls his girlfriend, Taylor.
Actually, Shep, its embarrassing for you.
Who leaves a message?
You are the one who should be roasted like the center of a Smore, my friend.
There were so many girls.
There were girls giving me their numbers.
There were girls asking me to donate sperm so they could impregnate themselves.
There were girls showing me their edible panties, and I ate them because thats not cheating.
That is just having a very creatively delivered appetizer.
When she gets mad, hes like, No, Im joking.
No, he means all of this.
He means it about the voicemail; he means it about the girls.
I am with Shep; egg salad is disgusting.
Its like eating rancid underwear.
An excellent role model, this one.
These girls, presumably like Sheps sister, totally have his number.
That number is 69 because Shep had it tattooed on his big toe the night of his fraternity initiation.
(Note the use of the singular.)
She thinks it would be kinda fake to invite her when they were uncomfortable at the party.
This is bullshittier than the sewage system at a whorehouse for cattle.
(Duh, how do you think we get more cows?)
Why does she even need to tell Venita about the party?
And if she doesnt tell her, then she doesnt have to explicitly say she didnt invite her.
Yes, Venita will hear from Madison, but Olivia doesnt rub it in her face.
But its also bullshitty why she didnt invite Venita.
She came to my party; I went to hers.
Yes, that party was also Venitas.
Hmm, what is different about these two women?
What could it be?
That these people are hanging out is fake.
That Austen is dating Olivia is fake.
The color of Kathryns hair is fake.
The couture that Patricia wears to the party, well, is not fake.
She has never faked a thing except for orgasms with her second husband.
But this universe is based on fake.
Why is Austen so mad that Madison is invited anyway?
Seriously, my broseph?
She had no idea she was getting engaged.
Thats how engagements work.
The dude surprises the lady with a ring and hopes she hashtag says yes.
And hes her ex for a reason.
She owes him nothing, not even a heads-up.
The reason she dumped him was so that she wouldnt have to consider his feelings ever again.
Meanwhile, Pringle is popping shots to the ladies, who can not stop drinking them.
Austen could have gone over in the group and had a very short moment with Madison.
I dont know what is going on with these two.
Basically, shes with this guy because she doesnt think she can do better.
Yeah, not a ringing endorsement.
When she starts spouting about her drama, he says he just tunes her out.
Like Naomie, Im questioning why hes even with this person.
Chleb leaves Naomie, runs to Kathryn, and calls her a fucking bitch.
Wait, who is the one who is all about drama?
No, she was just feeding off the negativity that he was feeding her about Kathryn.
She wasnt even trying to tear Kathryn down; she was trying to build Chleb up.
