Southern Charm
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The real Christmas miracle in this episode is that this bizarre season is finally over.
Paige is, apparently, what were calling the producers, because they really needed everyone at the party.
Then Paige asks if there is going to be a seating chart, and Craig says no.
Paige tells him, You dont want Madison randomly sitting next to Olivia.
Yes, she is right.
Craig says (though much later), Who am I to tell people where to sit.
Um, youre the host of the damn party, Craig.
Youre deciding on the meal and the decor and having adorable little napkins folded like tuxedo shirts.
Decide on the seats, too.
This is why you should never let a straight boy throw a party.
That playlist is called Bros Before Hos 2018 and definitely has Macarena on it.
When he calls, Naomie tells him that he has promised to be civil and hasnt done it.
She doesnt want to be around him either.
This doesnt seem like a fight about the show, but a fightbecauseof the show.
Hes laying it on thick.
I feel positive about having you in my life.
I want to go places and have adventures and who better to do it with than you.
I love us together.
It wasnt in his pocket.
Is it under this dying plant we named Tim?
Is it tied to Little Craig?
The ring does not exist.
This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard, and I have listened to Meghan Markles podcast.
This is something you do with a Eurail pass and a guidebook to hostels when youre 22.
This is not something you do when youre 42.
Its not even long enough to rent out her house.
Then the money isnt just his, its theirs.
People start filtering into Craigs party, and almost everyone looks amazing.
I think the worst outfit of the night is Paiges white column with a cutout on one hip.
I actually dont mind the dress, but it looks cheap.
Is this Paige for FashionNova by BooHoo shipped via Shein?
Both Olivia and Taylor are rocking white sparkly dresses and look amazing.
My favorite dress is Levas, which has a weird geometric construction that exposes most of her midriff.
Thank God this is eveningwear, because that would leave some funky tan lines.
She shows up at the party with Jake, whom she describes as her new best guy.
Wait, I thought this was her party gay.
Is she trying to pass him off as a boyfriend?
Oh no, she confirms to Madison that he is her party gay.
No need to recalibrate the old gaydar.
Venita keeps trying to talk to Naomie, and Naomie keeps avoiding her.
When Venita finally does pull Naomie aside, she gets an awakening ruder than a fart alarm clock.
(That is something my husband invented where he farts in my face to wake me up.
I did get up and walked immediately to the courthouse to file divorce papers.)
Naomie also tells her that she only thinks about herself and that theyre not friends.
Yeah, I can see how Naomie is annoyed, but shes going to end a friendship over that?
Before Venita can even speak her truth, Naomie turns to walk away.
Venita is like, Are you going to walk away without even hearing what I have to say?
Yes, she is.
The way these people have treated Venita all season is a crime.
No, of course there isnt because Craig is in charge.
However, this is why Craig should not be in charge.
Were left with Craig saying, You sit there.
You, move over.
Okay, now you sit there.
You just do this in advance and its called, you know, a seating chart.
The biggest drama, though, is that there isnt enough room at the table for Naomie and Leva.
They have to sit at the other table.
I mean, couldnt Craig just say, Show people at this table, muggles at the other table.
I think thats what he wanted.
Now Naomie feels like Craig invited her but doesnt really want her there.
Oh, so thisisa fight about the show.
Sorry, I was totally wrong before.
Its Leva who is taking it the hardest, though.
Sorry, but the good seats are for the people earning their paychecks.
As a business owner, she should know that is putting his livelihood at risk.
Everyones wrong here, everyone behaves like an asshole, and that is why we watch them on television.
Couldnt this have happened in episode two?
Sure, and I wish it had.
