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Successionis one of the best shows on television for many reasons.
Its a timely unpacking of capitalism and how power corrupts.
But one of the main reasons we love to watchSuccession?
Its satisfying to watch terrible people be terrible to each other.
The insults onSuccessionare fired off every few seconds, like jokes on30 Rock.
Some are said behind the subjects back.
But in most cases, aSuccessioninsult is told directly to you.
Or, even worse, said right in front of you, but to someone else.
Characters onSuccessiongo lower than anyone ever should.
Shiv refers to her husband as a meat puppet.
Roman repeatedly calls both of his brothers useless, in much crueler ways than that.
And, unfortunately, meme-ing.
Successionwould not beSuccessionwithout these imaginative insults, and they deserve their own ranking.
And second, the most insulted.
Stay tuned after the ranking for those results.
Now fuck off and read this, kindly!
The Rankings
38.
You little Machiavellian fuck.
No, it isnt, Greg.
Tom to Greg, season one, episode six, Which Side Are You On?
On paper, this sentence is not particularly unique.
You bust in here, guns in hand, and now you find theyve turned to sausages.
Here, Logan is insulting his childrens intelligence (yet again), but hes angrier than usual.
The dance of the sugar-plum failure.
Unfortunately, everyone she knows is watching.
Anyone can dance whenever they want, but that does not mean that anyone should dance in public.
Maybe Shiv frequented 1 Oak back in its heyday and was trying to recreate a feeling?
Go girlboss, give us nothing!
Getting the demons out.pic.twitter.com/FvTNl4MB6J
34.
Someone send a telegram to Illona telling her shes no longer required and my best to her cancer.
Logan about a Waystar board member, season one, episode six, Which Side Are You On?
You went for three jobs, you didnt get any of them.
Your vineyard was a write-off.
And now your trophy girlfriend is sucking some waiters dick in Palermo.
So now youve come crawling back, like a fucking worm.
Second, it also provides some eloquent exposition on the backstory of a tertiary character.
Who knew sweet old Frank had a trophy girlfriend?
What is she like?
I want to know all of her secrets.
Also, where was Franks vineyard?
Im thinking the North Fork.
I will happily executive-produce.
Fuck you, plastic Jesus.
But he is tremendous fun.
I mean, look at him.
Fizzing away over there like a bottle of cheap prosecco.
Lady Caroline isnt even married yet, and shes already making little jabs at her husband-to-be.
For Caroline, this is honestly a compliment.
Is this where Shiv learned how to manipulate and humiliate Tom?
Oh, a chapel.
Do you think dad will be able to cross the threshold, or will he spontaneously combust?
Shiv about Logan, season one, episode seven, Austerlitz.
In season one, Shiv sparred with her father.
She stood against or told herself she stood against everything her father represented.
She pushed back against him and Waystars values, and insulted him whenever she had the chance.
Now, in season three, Shiv is quite the opposite.
Shell do anything her father says, unless its bad for her.
We hire people who want to work here.
Cyd to Tom, season two, episode two, Vaulter
The Peach is not so sweet.
The way Jeannie Berlins raspy voice fires Cyds insults like darts makes her all the better.
Her insult is so specific and her delivery so scathing that her hypocrisy doesnt really matter.
Logan is gonna fire a million poisonous spiders down your dickie.
A million poisonous spiders down every Emmy voters dickie.
Have you ever had a fucking grapefruit without an agenda?
This line provides more insight into the Roy siblings perspectives on Marcia.
Shiv in particular sees Marcia as someone who has ulterior motives in her marriage to Logan.
At least Im only getting fucked by one member of this family.
They call Gil meth-head Santa because he so rarely delivers.
Hugo might be nastier than any Roy.
Thought I heard a clown car pulling up.
Unfortunately in season three, Romans clown college diploma is slowly but surely falling out of his butt.
Look at your life, Roman.
Yourealla bunch of clowns!
St. Francis of Assisi!
Youve brought me animals!
If youre not familiar with Catholic saints, congrats on escaping a life of guilt.
As the patron saint of animals and the environment,St.
Francis of Assisi was a big animal guy.
The insult comes across as bubbly and fun, but it gets meaner the longer you think about it.
My worry is that Kendall may come across as too cool and likable.
This moment also propels Romans resentment toward Kendall, which takes a very dark direction in season three.
You cant have a Tomelette without breaking some Greggs.
Is a Tomelette served with his majesty, the spinach?
Roman is awful, and will get even worse, but we have to respect this creativity.
Kendall Roy is not a hero, fam.
Hes a bootleg Ross with a daddy complex.
Anon twitter user, season three, episode three, The Disruption
Bad tweet!
Anonymous Twitter user is right about the daddy issues, though.
You tell yourself youre a good person, but youre not a good person.
is not, typically, successful at delivering insults, or speaking.
But when Kendall is right, hes right.
Just text on your phone, ya bendy fuck.
It also quickly establishes Logans disdain for millennials and technology, which is constantly making his companys status decline.
Uh … Oh, hello?
Is this the replicant department?
Yeah, my meat puppet has stopped working.
She just wants someone to do her bidding so she can get the power she feels entitled to have.
It was Tom who farted in his shit.
She talks in her sleep.
when the television programYo Mommawas airing on MTV.
Wow, We really have been through so much.
Actually, its quite good, your being the second-most important person at your wedding.
Takes the pressure off.
Tom kissing Shiv after betraying her to Logan.
The move against Shiv and her siblings puts Tom in a better position than anyone on the show.
You okay?#Successionis streaming now on@HBOMax.pic.twitter.com/cGI7swnXJf
9.
When youre laughing, like do it at the same volume as everyone else.
We didnt get you from a hyena farm.
Fucking King Kong come out to dance for me.
By comparing Logan to King Kong, Josh is acknowledging Logans power and influence.
Whats it like being married to a man with two assholes?
Fuck you, too, you pusillanimous piece of fucking fools gold.
Well, this is why you dont hatch a plan with Connor, the first fucking pancake.
Every single pancake will be perfect.
Here, Shiv suggests that her half-brother Connor is exactly that.
What are you waiting for?
I wont ruin this one with any more of my own words.
Tom eating Logans chicken.
Season two, episode ten, This Is Not for Tears
No dialogue.
Just Tom Wambsgans eating chicken.
Im going to grind his fucking bones to make my bread.
Logan about Kendall, season three, episode one, Secession
Somebody fetch the bone grinder!
As if Logan Roy has ever made bread.
This is a horrible thing to say about someone, especially your number-one boy.
1.You little slime puppy.
Gerri to Roman, season two, episode four, Safe Room
Whats a slime puppy?
Maybe the only one, even.
What makes this one even better is the knowledge that J. Smith-Cameronimprovisedthe line.
Shiv and Roman came close behind with five each, with Tom at four and Hugo at three.
Most insulted is a little more of an adventure.
Even though I curated this list, I shocked myself with the final tallies of most insultedSuccessioncharacters.
I fully expected the most insulted character to be Cousin Greg, and I didnt expectanycharacter to come close.
I was so wrong.
Any insults Logan made at his children generally counted as one point toward each individual.
