The Bachelorette

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By now, weve established that this whole two Bachelorettes thing isnt really working, right?

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Next week, itll be Rachel again.

Its the cycle of life!

But at least this week, we finally get some weepy boys.

And, to quote Nicole Kidman, dont we need that?

The red-and-white monstrosity that is theBachelorettecruise ship has found a new port to terrorize: Amsterdam!

Jesse decides to drop hisWestworldhost facade and tell the women Amsterdam is one of his favorite cities.

Maybe next year, well find out his favorite color (probably taupe).

Inexplicably, next week is hometowns, so Gabby and Rachel are nervous about meeting the boys families.

Gabby picks Nate for her one-on-one, while Rachel picks Zach.

All we know about Spencer isArmy.

One question, though: Are producers setting this up for a possible reunion?

Meanwhile, the boys over at Team Gabby are just excited to see Nates suitcase walking the plank.

How many men have talked about therapy on their dates this season?

This season, its all about those three little words: inner-child therapy.

Zach, of course, gets the rose.

They dance in front of a street orchestra that just so happens to be outside of the aforementioned building.

I kind of love them together.

The year of therapy continues!

Unfortunately, this is when Logan shows up.

Logan, youre a toxic chemical.

That isnt all for dear Logan!

Its frankly poetic that Logan is exposing himself as a literal plague uponThe Bachelorette.

Plus, because of this whole two Bachelorettes situation, she already gets half the one-on-ones she typically would.

Its no wonder we barely know anything about her remaining men!

And why cant they reschedule the group date, anyway?

Now its time for the evening portion of Rachels date, where the men are getting ready for hometowns.

You know who it isnt enough for?

Tino, who has whined his way through this episode, believing he deserves anything?

I dont know what it is about his performance, but I dont trust him.

The act doesnt fool Rachel, who smartly bequeaths the group date rose to Tyler.

This sends Tino Dear Dumb Diary Franco into a spiral.

He whips around, telling Tyler, Congrats.

Seriously, before going off to rant to a producer in the hallway with a glass of red.

The man tears strike again.

The drama doesnt stop there.

Theres no confrontation!!!

Where is the drama?

Andwhereis that clip of Jesse telling Logan to pack his bags from the midseason preview??

All aboard the Monstrosity!

Set sail for Palm Beach!

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