The Bachelorette
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Were at Hometowns Week already??
We did thisall wrong.
We should be awash in romance and smooches.
One of the main problems is that there are just too many dudes.
You get him to speak Squirrel and get your moneys worth!!
Honestly, give me a Gabby hometown-date episode and a Rachel hometown-date episode and dive in!
We need the extra time!
Lets get to it.
Whatis going on with Jason?
Read the balcony over the piss-stained streets of New Orleans!
Jasons mom is immediately weeping.
That burden fell to Jason, and he has been quiet ever since.
Jasons mom asks, Umm … have you told her this yet?
I like Jasons mom.
Time for Zachs date with Rachel.
If you asked me to design a generically good hometown date, I would design this date.
Charming callback to an early date?
The phrase Im glad you asked me that?
Patrick Live-Action The Tick Warburton?
Gabby heads to Palm Beach, Florida, to meet with Johnnys family.
Gabby says that Johnny is super-hot and everyone knows it.
She wants to know where hes at in his life right now and if hes ready for an engagement.
Oh … Oh,Gabby.
For some reason, Johnny takes Gabby to meet his family first without exploring Palm Beach.
I guess the bar where Countess Luann was arrested and the Cheesecake Factory were both closed.
If we get one more of these doofs, well have a full NSYNC.
Gabby says that she loved Johnnys blue eyes and eyelashes right when she saw him.
His mom says that if Johnny is all in, hes going to be loyal with a big heart.
She describes this as a different Johnny.
Everyone is sayingway morethan they realize.
Johnny sits quietly with his mom and says hes not sure if hes going to get married.
What is happening?!
Are they aware of the program theyre on??
I have a theory, and its two-pronged.
Shes deeply invested in the power of therapy and making men feel bad about themselves in a fun way.
This is not a woman who will go with the flow when it comes to your feelings about commitment.
What happens if you dont want to do it anymore?
And the church is okay with it?
Thats wild, man.
Gabby says that their future is unwritten.
The words that people are choosing arerifewith meaning.
Its time for Tylers hometown date.
He should have gotten a one-on-one date earlier this season.
There arent enough corn dogs on the entire Jersey shore, Tyler.
Once Rachel meets 15 of Tylers cousins at the pizza stand that he owns (???
Tyler now has to go see his familyby himselfand tell them that Rachel isnt coming.
His mother is the most New Jersey woman to ever exist, and she cannot fathom whats happening.
My heart breaks for …
I wanna say, Carmella?
Tyler and Zach are tied for a Bachelor edit.
Its time for Erichs hometown date somewhere else in New Jersey.
(My boyfriends family is from New Jersey.
Theres almost too many towns in New Jersey.)
Having Gabby introduced to the family as She was an ICU nurse too!
Gabby does seem like shes capable of handling this family dynamic better than someone else might.
She recognizes how vulnerable Donna is and able to see where Erich gets his caring nature.
They head to a bar and check in with each other about the day.
Theyre both falling in love with each other.
Erich just pulled into the lead.
Then Jesses voice booms for the next casting announcement: Make your deadbeat boyfriend jealous!
Not now, Jesse, and not in a million years either.
But thats the perfect emotional reset into Tinos hometown date.
Whatis happening with Tino?
You know what your family is like, Tino.
You saw what they were doing.
Tinos father isobsessedwith how much time they got together.
Tinos dad wants the data, and he wants it in a bar graph, like.
His parents keep repeating the phrase whirlwind fairy tale, and yknow what?
Thishasbeen a whirlwind fairy tale.
Ill give them that.
(Sidenote: You are not required to know how many cousins they have.
Thats not a test of your love.
Its a trick question.
The answer is always a lot on their moms side.)
Rachel walks away from the interaction with Tinos dad saying, He grilled my ass.
When Rachel starts to protest, he pivots to telling her that hes falling in love with her.
Tino, read the bench outside the Airbnb that production rented for your family.
Rachel says shes falling in love with Tino too … but shes got precisely zero encouragement from his family.
I cant wait to see Big Tony deal with this Jason Segellooking dweeb.
See you next week for Avens hometown date and Men Tell All!
Logistics mean nothing!!
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