The Bachelorette
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THIS????!!!!
THIS NONSENSE IS NEXT LEVEL!!!!
Im VERY upset at these gentlemen and what they are choosing to do to our dear Two Bachelorettes!
In all my NINE seasons of watchingThe Bachelorette,Ive never yelled at a group of contestants like this!
(Not Tino!)
I was rooting for you!
We were all rooting for you!!
Because thats what we all want, right?
For the first few episodes, give me all the drama, but once we get to Fantasy Suites?
I want dog sleds under the Northern Lights and Champagne in the hot tub.
Youre the only one left!
admission, we need fireworks!
I dont care if its daytime!
FIGURE IT OUT, ABC!!!
Lets get to it.
Were still with Erich and Gabby on this bridge that is now some kind of metaphor.
Clearly Gabby felt the matter was done and Erich was convinced to get that good drama on camera.
Or he just couldnt fucking help himself.
Okay, we gotta talk about Jesse being the sounding board for the contestants and the leads.
One, he should pick a lane and only consult with one side of the equation.
For all the shit you could give Chris Harrison, the sentient flat-front chinos stayed in his lane.
Secondly, Jesse offers nothing!
Weve all been there.
The one date that if it works out, youll never have to go on a date ever again.
The date youve been waiting for your entire life.
Thats basically the emotional minefield that Gabby is about to walk into.
The romantic fun and games of the skinny lil bitches.
I can promise you that Gabby will not take I dont think I want to get engaged well.
My biggest question here is, what the fuck happened with Jason?
So why is he still here?
How did he wind up in Mexico?
We dont have any hints that hes chasing fame or trying to show up in Paradise.
Option three seems to be Jasons strategy.
He says he just doesnt know who Gabby is and she doesnt know who he is.
He doesnt think any of this is real.
WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO BRING THIS UP, MY GUY???
If this wasnt real, what did you think it was?
An elaborate series of improv games?
Aint no Zip, Zap, Zop here!!
They wake up in separate rooms.
Oh, Im fighting.
Take your earrings out because we aretusslin.
(Let me note at this point that theres still the whole Zach of it to get to.
Theres no need to lessen the blow, especially after all this time.
And once he realized how bad this could be, he just froze.
And now, TIME FOR RACHEL AND ZACHS FANTASY SUITE DATE!!
STROLLING THROUGH THE MARKETPLACE!!!!
Sometimes the best strategy is to keep around the guy who loves you most, just in case.
Once they get to does your dad like to grill?
theyre ten minutes from talking about the weather.
Also, can we stop bragging about how your parents have never fought or raised their voice?
Its not a virtue, its not an accomplishment.
Just say youre a WASP and move on.
After he screamed that he was falling in love and then handed her a bankers box.
Zach is fully ready to propose, which makes his heel turn in the morning even more baffling.
The second these women require something other than a run-and-jump, these men are losing their goddamn minds.
Famous uncle be damned!
Then Zach asks her to talk privately and we cut out of that SO FAST.
Was this cut using TikToks editing software??
Its time to emotionally whiplash back to Gabbys storyline.
Remember what they did for Clare and Dale?
We should have gotten this for Gabby and Erich!
Give them a beautiful beach vista and dress them up.
Erich is in a T-shirt and jeans, and Gabby is fully dressed.
Why didnt anyone tell this man to pop on a polo?
He was fighting for the relationship even if that fight didnt look like what she thought it would.
He taught her how to accept love and feel safe and that its okay to be wanted and loved.
She tells him that she loves him and hes the only one left!
THEYRE IN LOVE!!!!
Do it for yourself, Gabby!
Heal yourself into this love!!!
She says hes the love of her life and everything has been pointing to him.
See you next week to see how this show will continue to ruin these womens lives!!!
!
