The Bachelorette
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Does anyone else feel like this year is suddenly passing them by?
Wide boat stuck in the Suez Canal?
This year.Judas and the Black Messiah?Technically not 13 full years ago.
I want you to ask yourself, really ask yourself, When was the Harry and Meghan interview?
Is your answer I dont know?
I felt so young and full of hope at the time.
Incorrect ALSO THIS YEAR.
Same month as the big ol boat that got stuck.
Too bad, its true and the passage of time is real and unceasing.
But no, it was Wills darkest moment and I wept with him.
Is it just me or are (most of) the men absolute cuties who seem very chill?
And the ones who have absolutely no chill or are aggressively awful are being shown the door?
), was sent home!
Because now that Jamies gone, where is the drama going to come from?
But an even better question is: Do we need it?
Will we finally get some real romance and see a true love story blossom?
Lets get to it.
Maybe they need to have a little less chill.
By the end of the episode, Jamie will be called a rat and a snake.
The man is giving off vermin vibes.
Theyre heading into THE DANGER ZONE.
Could it be physical?
Could it be mental?
Could it be sexual?
Everyone prepare your safe words and lets head out.
Its actually aTop Gun 2: More Planestie-in and the contesticles are joined by Jay Ellis and Glen Powell.
Theres no money here!
Martin gets the nickname Frosty because of his frosted tips and Peter gets the call sign Doughboy.
Michelle appreciates that when she gave him the rose, he said, You got this.
Its time for the g-force simulator because this will test their instincts?!?
He packed his motion-sickness medicine but its back at the hotel!
Also, Ricks name is Tabletop.
The guys have to profess their love to Michelle while spinning in the g-force simulator.
Peter speaks in full Italian and then Will speaks in Spanish.
When youre upside down, your first language takes over, I guess.
Peter is very upset that Will copied his thing and says the exact same thing.
I just need Peter to calm all the way down.
Will goes one step further when Michelle asks if he needs a bucket and he says I need you.
And after defeating Peter, Will wins… the jacket?
Its time for the after-party.
Michelle continues to have amazing chemistry with Nayte and she says shes excited to have such amazing men.
Smash cut to Peter and Will screaming at each other.
Will is calling Peter a Pizza boy and Peter says, You should see the checks I cash.
Sir, no one is coming for your pizza business.
Nayte is stressed about where this is going.
Can I just say also that Michelle is initiating a lot of kisses?
She isintothese men and shes not waiting for anyone to make out with her.
Then Peter throws Wills jacket in the pool.
Nayte just screams, WHY?
Yes, why tho.
And I wish he didnt have to!
Will knows he earned that jacket and he cries out, THIS MAN IS REALLY PUSHING MY BUTTONS!
Stripped of all his dignity.
Speaking of stripped, its time for Rodneys one-on-one.
Rodney is the cutest.
I DO NOT appreciate how everyone talks about how hes got to get out of the friend zone.
The friend zone is a myth and Rodney is a snack.
Yknow, standard goofy nonsense.
Which is very specific language and I would have loved a follow-up question.
Michelles is that shes afraid of being complacent and settling.
(My college boyfriend would do shit like this.
Uh, no, sir, your roommate is not just being David.
Its infuriating, demoralizing, and humiliating.)
She offers him the rose by going, Would you apple-loutely accept this rose?
Michelle is too cute for words and Rodney is a delight.
So this date was VERY triggering for me.
WERE ALL WINNERS, BITCH!
Jamie decides hes just not going to do that.
If anyone is pushing my buttons (in a bad, not Pussycat Dolls way), its Jamie.
He didnt forget his notebook.
He didnt decide to freestyle an Aesops fable.
He decided he was too good to write a poem and didnt write that poem.
Its really hard to reconcile how candid Jamie was with Michelle inthe last episodewith howrudehe can be everywhere else.
Michelle continues to have amazing chemistry with Brandon and she talks about how attracted she is to his mind.
Jamie says hes so intentioned and meaningful when hes with Michelle and he can tell shes absolutely captivated.
Michelle gives the group date rose to Brandon.
He says, Im really competing with Brandon for a womens attention?
Were not even fucking close.
I gotta wait six weeks to get to the end of this?
Thats the challenging part with Michelle.
Shes in spring-break mode.
My guy, are you on some incel shit?
Because what the fuck are you talking about?
Are you not aware what television program youre on?
Maybe Jamie made all this up to throw everyone under the bus.
They ask him what he said to Michelle and Jamie goes, Uh….uh…umm…ummm.
He didnt think this part of the plan through?
Then he says he doesnt want anyone at home to speculate.
Let me assure you we dont give a fuck.
What did you say to Michelle?!?!
Nayte finally pisses off Jamie when he asks, Were you worried by Joe?
And Romeo says they arent mad he was insecure, theyre mad he tried to obfuscate what he did.
He put those two pieces of information together.
Jamie is making mad faces.
Michelle takes him aside and says shes got to walk him out.
Time for the rose ceremony!
Everyone rude is gone and all thats left is the sweeties!
