The Bachelorette
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And you know what?
Lets get to it.
They know what he did.
My brain dont work so good anymore.
Lil Chris S:Calling Olu low IQ in isolation isdamning.
Theres a lot to dive into here.
First up is Will and Peter.
Kaitlyn wants to know if Will meant what he said when he called Peter a narcissist.
Its a good bit, and I can never be mad at a good bit!
Peters defense is This pizza restaurant is how I pay for my family and support myself.
which the audience keeps reluctantly applauding.
For a quick detour, lets take a moment to appreciate a real Men Tell All-Star:Casey!
Casey ison firethis entire Men Tell All.
He was someone who I kept having to ask myself Is he the poem guy?
all season, but now hes holding his own.
He says Peter would wake up every day and scream Bon-bon-bonjourno!
to no one in particular.
Peter sounds like a nightmare and Casey is a hero.
Will also says that Peters sister is sliding into his DMs.
For what purpose, I DO NOT KNOW, but I would like to see the evidence.
Were about to use that big board to show some totally real Yelp reviews.
Will, see if you’ve got the option to Chromecast to the big board.
and banging on the coffee table to get everyones attention.
Before this segment is over, Peter wants Will to know hes brought someone with them.
I think Tayshia speaks for us all when she says, Im sorry, what?
Up next is Ryans dossier.
He wanted to prepare to make it find love.
Some of the notes are like,Most teachers feel like their job is who they are.
Make it seem like you are super-interested in that.
This is Nice Guy 101.
The rest of the guys keep asking, Why did you feel like you had to prepare?!?
One of the guys also brings up that Ryan was onBachelor Live whatever that is … Daniel and Pardeep are making their presence known!
Pardeep says if Ryan made it to the top four, he wouldnt want to apologize about his dossier.
Up next is Martin.
Romeo admits he dyed his hair to be more like Martin, and thats honestly so embarrassing.
He doesnt say he didnt not have a girlfriend.
I would like to ask her, Did you think you were his girlfriend?
Martins best defense is We didnt have our phones.
Casey says Martin told Peter about his girlfriend and that was his biggest mistake.
Kaitlyn jokes that his girlfriend is right there and cmon,Bachelorette,follow through.
Up next is Chris.
This guy just fucking sucks, and he doesnt know how to actually make an apology.
His apology is I didnt mean it.
The amount these men love her and have been transformed by her amazingness is inspiring.
I love that for them, and Rick has a good Men Tell All.
When hes not on the verge of tears and puts a little bass in his voice, he cute.
Olu stands up and says Youre looking at Black excellence right here!
OLU FOR BACHELOR!!!
Now its time for Jamie.
He comes out doing fake kisses and says hes been fabulous.
Jamie starts to answer every question by going, Good question.
Jamie doesnt really have a good defense for anything he said on the show.
Casey calls him Tony Robbins.
Were really going down to the wire to see if the episode belongs to Casey.
Hes making his case.
YEAH BECAUSE YOU STARTED THE RUMOR.
He keeps insisting on a timeline that didnt exist.
PJ says Jamie was the only one who had time to talk to Michelle.
Oh shit, thats motive, means, and opportunity.
Its time for the Lil Sweeties portion of the Men Tell All.
Up first is Rick.
They bring out a table with a giant Rick head made of cake that absolutely doesnt look like Rick.
It looks as accurate as the butter sculptures!
It looked at me in my nightmares and told me the date Im going to die!
Now its Rodneys turn
Oh, wait, no.
Kaitlyn is going to have Tayshia talk about her breakup in the middle of the goddamn show.
Tayshia is clearly frazzled.
Tayshia says shes heartbroken and they tried really hard and shes not sure what the future holds.
Once Rodney comes up for his moment, Tayshia emotionally runs off backstage.What the fuck is happening there?
So … Rodneys turn?
They show his emotional montage and Michelle calling him an underdog!!!!
My notes at this point were just, Aww, Rodney.
Kaitlyn says maybe well see Rodney in Mexico?
(Not an official casting announcement.)
These are not the bloops.
Wait for the bloops.
Its time for Michelle to come out to confront all the guys.
They give her a standing ovation.
Michelle says Rodney was always kind even when times were tough, and she respects that the most.
She says Rick was so committed, and it showed a lot about his character.
Rick is just glad she didnt call him my little lettuce wrap, which is a very cute nickname.
Now its time for Michelle to confront Jamie.
Sir, what the fuck are you talking about!
Jamie starts a bad apology and says if anyone feels… and Michelle goes No!
Michelle tells him words do matter and he needs to own up to it.
She says shes going to kill the conversation because Jamie hasnt learned anything.
Then Jamie does an actual good apology!
Just do that from the start!
Then it gets opened up to the guys.
Martin says they had a lot of miscommunication but he does apologize for the way things ended.
Michelle says Martin needs to lift women up and not talk down to them.
Martin says, I have a soul mate now, and I treat her right.
Very cool to know Michelle didnt deserve that treatmentbut your new girlfriend does??!!
Chris apologizes, and Michelle takes it well!
She saw how connected he was to her and the process and how vulnerable he became.
Olu says he never brought that to his other relationships, so thank you, Michelle.
Michelle is making everyones boyfriends better!
Its time for bloopers and pizza!
Theres a lot of insect-based bloopers, and Michelle cant say Rancho Cucamonga.
Peter flew in his amazing Florida-based pizza to share with everyone.
Will is not happy about it.
Peter says slice appetit.
Yall, I cannot with this man.
Will begrudgingly says, Its better than the pizza we had at the hotel.
Then Peter says something amazing: You wanna bury the hat and shake and be bygones?
You wanna BURY THE HAT and shake and BE BYGONES!!!
With that, Ill say slice appetit and see you next week for fantasy suites!
!
