The Bachelor
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Thank you both so much for coming in.
I want to thank you both for taking time out of your busy day because it isnt always easy.
Let me start by saying we are really encouraged by Claytons progress.
Hes getting really great at doing and undoing buttons.
Almost too good, in fact.
But still, that is a milestone reached.
Well … Ill be damned.
Yes, thats it.
Oh gosh, that wont happen again.
Lets get to it.
I realize now there is a level below nothing, and that level is Jesse Palmer.
We gotta get somebody in there with some personality.
I dont care if theyre a wild card; thats extremely preferable to this.
Whats Katt Williams doing?
If it happened before I started recapping this show, youre wrong, no it didnt.
Three of the last four leads havent made it to Hometowns, and theyve all been rough seasons.
Gabby wont accept the rose!
Can I ask you to take it day by day?
Claytons family knows what he should do and tells him!
Its a little bit more special with Susie.
Lets just examine each part of this nightmare and think about what fresh hell might be next.
Next up is the Rose Ceremony from hell.
Rachel is full shook.
Gabbys mouth is completely agape.
Rachel cant look at him and Gabby just walks off.
Rachels sobs are ringing out throughout the room while Jesse is calling Clayton brother and offering no useful advice.
THINGS ARE FALLING APART.
Rachel loses a nail!
She needs to unzip the neck of her dress!
Gabby is pacing around the room!
Gabby is preparing a line of questioning so devastating I dont know how anyone recovered!
Gabby talks to Clayton first and she takes him apart during cross-examination.
She doesnt know how to rationalize what hes telling her and the potential that she goes home.
HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND BECAUSE HES NEVER BEEN THROUGH IT.
Gabby says, This is bullshit.
I want better for everyone involved.
RACHEL IS FULLY SHOCKED.
Gabby continues to completely decimate Clayton by explaining that shes not competing for his love.
I mean, she kind of has been up until this point, but I get what shes saying.
What woman doesnt want to hear that your boyfriend has compartmentalized his feelings for you!
You want to hear a romantic declaration of love!
Something that would be inside one of the really Jesus-y Hallmark cards!
But Clayton wants to do those things without any regard for anyone elses feelings.
The reasons some leads decide to hold back the I Love You is to prevent exactly whats happening now.
The reason some leads dont sleep with everyone in the fantasy suites is to avoid exactly whats happening now.
He told Susie he loved her most!
Now, ITS TIME TO MEET HIS FAMILY?!?
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING???
Why is Clayton smiling so much when he meets his family?
Clayton should be collapsing in his mothers arms and begging for forgiveness, but Isnt This a Nice Airbnb?
Everyone is too happy for what is about to happen.
Clayton explains his situation to his family, and his dad is so pissed.
Clayton really screwed the pooch!
His dad says that these women dont want to be second or third; they want to be first.
Petition for Claytons dad to hostThe Bachelorafter this.
Clayton says he wants his parents to ask them the tough questions.
Bitch, what are you even fucking talking about?
Fuck meeting the parents.
Take these women on a spa day!
Readers, they will not.
Clayton, you just put Rachel in the car.
Claytons family is so tired of his bullshit.
Claytons mom literally goes, Clayton.
Claytons response is its not that straightforward.
Clayton says that he stopped listening and Susie was willing to talk.
She was willing to talk, but she wasnt willing to change her mind.
Upon hearing that Clayton can be manipulated further, Jesse materializes to tell him that Susie hasnt left Iceland …
Finally, we get some advice from some more Bachelor Nation alumni.
Dont fuck this up.
Dont fuck this up.
Cassie?!?!?!
See you tomorrow for the Final Finale and the New Bachelorette!
!
