The Great British Baking Show
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Remember the whole You cant put peas in guacamole dustup on the internet a few years back?
That didnt happen in Britain because they put peas in everything.
you’re free to buy pea-flavored Kit Kats over here.
(Okay, not really, though I shouldnt give them any ideas.)
There is actually a chain of Mexican or should I say Mexican-inspired restaurants here calledWahaca.
That these people have to spellOaxacaphonetically so they can to wrap their little tongues around it says it all.
Paul Hollywood says taco with a curl to theathat sounds nothing like the tah-co youd hear in America.
He also says pico decallow as if the condiment doesnt yet have enough experience.
The whole signature challenge is pretty much dead in the dough.
Many of them look delicious, especially Syabiras corn-flavored treats that actually look like little corn cobs.
But the judges keep telling everyone their dough didnt rise enough and is underproved.
Yeah, theyre underproved because you set a time restriction that was too tight.
Everyone else is failure after failure.
Janusz: too bland.
My lover Sandro (now with 100 percent more shaved eyebrow): not enough height.
Rebs: dense AF.
James: as much flavor as a Big Mac wrapper.
Dawn: spilling out of themselves like Gerard Butler in a kid-size T-shirt.
Abdul: so gross even Prue is like, This is nasty.
You have to try.
Maxy: Well, shes okay.
Dawn: could have been aSimpsonscharacter cause they are Mr. Everyone has to make steak tacos, including the tortillas.
The problem with this is it is not a baking challenge; it is a cooking challenge.
The vague recipe tells them, Make refried beans.
That is just bullshit.
These challenges are supposed to be a test of the bakers fundamentals and instincts.
What baker knows how to make that?
What baker knows how to marinate steak?
This is notTop Chef; this isBake Off / Baking Show / hey Dont Sue Us.
If you arent using the oven even once, then it should be struck from the books.
I love them all so much that I dont want to see them treated unfairly.
I especially feel bad for Compost Carole.
Do they not have avocados where shes a checkout person?
Hasnt one ever come down the checkout lane?
She works in asupermercado!
When they get the results, Maxy comes out on top, followed by Syabira and Sandro.
Compost Carole, James, and Rebs are at the bottom.
And theyre at the bottom the whole episode, really.
Here I always thought it was cow, soy, and almond.
And Ive been to Mexico.
But if theres not enough, it will be too dry.
But then isnt that a problem with all cakes?
you might tell right away who is going to be in trouble.
(Look it up, kids!)
James makes the cardinal sin of planning too much.
Im surprised he didnt attempt to turn the whole thing into a sombrero-shaped chip n dip.
Um, then why did you choose it?
Thats the whole point!
But the judges arent impressed.
Paul and Prue are surprised when it, you know, actually tastes like corn.
It wasnt for them.
Jamess cake is also a disaster.
Youve heard of a hat on top of a hat.
And none of it is good.
(I feel the way about the wordlumpythat most people feel about the wordmoist.)
Compost Caroles is not at all the disaster it seemed it would be.
It actually looks tasty with a nice squiggly chocolate collar around it complemented by bright-orange-and-green frosting.
She might save herself yet.
Januszs cake looks amazing, and he says it is inspired by the fruits of Mexico.
(I was similarly inspired the last time I was at a gay bar in Puerto Vallarta.)
Although a bit dry, it tastes just as nice as it looks in the judges estimation.
Abdul gives us a nice effect with the Day of the Dead cake, which is honestly Noel baiting.
Who is he?Charlie Puth?
The judges are suitably impressed.
Is he just pandering to me now?
Is heCharlie Puth 2: Back 2 the Closet?
The only bigger compliment goes to Dawn for her almost-minimalist all-white vanilla tres leches.
Finally, we get Rebs with her leaning cake that is leaking all over the table.
The star baker is Maxy, which means that in four weeks weve had only two star bakers.
It seems as though its a battle for the third slot in the finale along with Maxy and Janusz.
Who do we think can take it?
