Why did the early aughts have such weird sexual energy?
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Women sported low-rise pants and high-rise thongs, and men wore trucker hats that suggested careers in adult film.
Both shows employ intimacy coordinators, whom directors routinely bring in to protect actors doing hyper-exposed work.
The decline of early-aughts horny culture can be attributed to a few main developments.
Today, sex is dispersed across the web.
Everyone can have their own personalized, algorithmically curated e-stash.
(Footless legs and detachable shoes have yet to make it into mainstream pop culture.)
In 2005, four years after Bratz launched, global sales were $2 billion.
By 2006, Bratz had roughly 40 percent of the fashion-doll market.
Yes, the girls with the passion for fashion caused quite a stir in good ways and bad.
Parents expressed concern over the dolls oversexualized look and unrealistic body proportions.
in the 2000s, youll remember that the American Apparel girls were everywhere.
You could see them on billboards, wheat-pasted to construction sites, printed on the back cover ofVicemagazine.
They had names like Dana and Steffi.
Before declaring bankruptcy in 2017, American Apparel toned down its marketing aesthetic.
Less naked-girl-does-the-splits, and more quirky-Tumblr-user-on-a-roof.
Pants With Stuff Written on the Butt
Theres something vaguely sexual about a matchy-matchy outfit.
And theres something veryclearlysexual about pants that read Juicy across the ass.
In 2008, Juicy filed suit against the lingerie giant, claiming its PINK-emblazoned bottoms were a blatant knockoff.
Words-on-the-butt was such a cultural moment that schools introduced no-phrase-clothes dress codes.
Better yet, what if this wholehousewas a Fantasy Suite?
Flavor of Lovewas a sex-fueled hit.
It ran for three seasons and spawned offshootsI Love New York,Charm School,andI Love Money.
The success ofFlavor of Lovebrought onRock of Love With Bret Michaels.
Contestants would emerge one by one, accompanied by trading-card-like bios one memorable bio reads Ashley, 20.
Pooped in a box and mailed it to her ex-boyfriend.
They simply dont make them like this anymore.
Teen Soaps
Every teen soap-ad campaign looked more or less the same.
Youve seen the posters forOne Tree Hill,The OC, andDawsons Creek.
), but the scandalizing campaign certainly raised the bar for teen dramas.
Could Veronicas speakeasyslashrum distillery inRiverdaleexist withoutGossip Girl?
GQsGleeSpread
Gleewas an emblem of feel-good Obama-era entertainment.
Attractive, white-toothed high-schoolers break into song.
The stakes are low.
The cast is diverse.
One character is gay.
Of course, people want to see thoseGleekids in push-up bras and knee socks, saidGQand Terry Richardson.
(Richardson would later be ousted by Conde Nast for alleged sexual misconduct.)
2007 can be understood as the soft start of the rapid proliferation of online porn.
From 2000 to 2006, the schoolgirl fantasy wasnt available in your pocket at all times.
Commercials
Sex sells, and itreallysold from the late 90s through the 2000s.
Before commercials neutered their male characters (the stay-at-home dad!
The doofy husband who always misplaces the Swiffer!
), the prime-time ad universe had crude humor and dude stuff at its center.
Women in bikinis sudsed up cars while AC/DC blared through the garage.
A Carls Jr. cheeseburger could induce a full-body orgasm.
You cant talk about horny commercials without highlighting Axe, the signature scent of rancid teenage boys.
Axe commercials said, Hey, you sweaty freak.
Want six babes to grope you at the grocery store?
How about the library?
Buy our poison spray.
Betty in the originalArchiecomics?
Mary Jane Watson inSpider-Man?
The long-standing trope got decidedly hornier in the 2000s with the 2004 release of Luke GreenfieldsThe Girl Next Door.
According to the trope, blonde girls are hot and mean, brown-haired girls are smart.
A girl is blonde or a girl is brunette, and there are no other types of girls.
The binary dates back to Marilyn Monroes old Hollywood.
(Gentlemen Prefer Blondes but they also love brunettes, because only beautiful women are allowed in movies!)
Still, it found new life in the aughts.
Fast-fashion retailers were chomping at the bit to stereotype blondes and brunettes.
It was normal, nay, encouraged that girls wore shirts declaring their hair color.
Surely you remember seeing Brunettes Have More Fun or Smart Blonde stamped across thin tees at Abercrombie.
Social hierarchies assembled accordingly.
There were various iterations of this formula.
In theAmerican Piefranchise andSuperbad,the guys set out to lose their virginities before college.
InThe 40 Year Old Virgin, the guy sets out to lose his virginity and hes 40 years old.
InSex Drive, the guy drives across the country to lose his virginity.
InEuroTrip, the guys travel to Europe for sex.
InRoad Trip, the guys drive from New York to Texas to track down an incriminating sex tape.
InKnocked Up,shes pregnant!
Around 2008, Big Comedy decided to grant female characters nonsexual airtime and depth beyond their cleavages.
TWSC continued on strong withJennifers Body(see below) andI Love You Manin 2009 through 2011 withBridesmaids.
Its unclear why or what, but something happened afterBridesmaids.
The following attempts at sex comedy likeMovie 43andSex Tape flopped.
We have to let Maya Rudolphs character shit in the street!
School
When did school become so horny?
100 Girlscame out in 2000.
But the number of girls is hardly the most insane part of this movie.
A couch falls on one of Matthews crushes, ultimately crushing her (ha).
Matthew later decides his quest might move along faster if he dresses in drag (reasonable!).
The high jinks dont stop there!
Its an absolute must-see!
Fox had her breakthrough role as Hot Girl Who Fix Car in 2007s live-actionTransformersfilm.
Have you guys been fucking?!
Its been retrospectively referred to as a forgotten feminist classic.
Spoof Comedies
Ah!
When Spears rejected Milkshake, it was given to a lesser-known pop star named Kelis.
The song would go on to become an early-aughts horny-culture anthem, making Kelis a horny high priestess.
Milkshake peaked at No.
3 on the U.S.BillboardHot 100 the year it was released.
She sings about her milkshake, the talk of the town.
Men travel far and wide to get to the yard, the location of said blended ice-cream treat.
(Folks, shes talking about her boobs.)
La la la la, Kelis taunts.
Warm it up, the boys are waiting.
The effect is an almost threatening sexual aura, like performing a strip tease with an aggressive frown.
My Humps is a close relative of Milkshake, a younger cousin with less social grace.
Its goofy and in-your-face, clumsy without missing a beat.
Its horny to the point of beingunsexy.
There isnt a single ounce of mystique.
Its music video features several halter tops and a fedora.
The melodramatic, almost ominous cadence of shes got me spending sounds like it belongs inFiddler on the Roof.
member of the Pussycat Dolls.
Will.i.am wrote Beep for PCD after the girl group rejected My Humps.
Songs About Sweets
Candy and sex has long been a winning lyrical combination for pop music.
Sex and candy took over alt-rock stations with Marcy Playgrounds 1997 hit Sex and Candy.
Mandy Moore released her debut single Candy in 1999.
112s P.Diddy-produced Peaches and Cream climbed theBillboardcharts in 2001.
But the song that really put sugar on the map was Milkshake (see above).
At a certain point in time, Simpson was inescapable.
She appeared in every commercial, many of which involved pizza delivery.
She had (has?)
She graced the covers of tabloids and glossies alike.
And would the Kardashians even be possible without Jessica Simpson?
It was one of the first examples of a reality show chronicling family life, alongsideMeet the Osbournes.
That led her to become a brand ambassador for what else?
Purity Rings
Theres nothing hornier than celibacy.
It was, in some respects, a reaction to the intense sexualization of teens in the tabloids.
What were they doing if they werent fucking?
Let me walk you through it because theres a lot going on.
Too much, even.
There is, in fact, so much going on that any attempt at analysis would be utterly pointless.
She starts to sing, her voice producing the unmistakable breathy-vocal-fry hybrid of pop sensation Britney Spears.
The veil comes off.
Flash to an unamused Avril Lavigne and Kelly Osbourne.
Do I hear wedding bells?
Is that … an extremely tan, black-haired Christina Aguilera?
In a matching white outfit?
Flash to averyunamused Mary J. Blige.
(It be Missy Elliott.)
Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears were the holy trinity, the leading ladies.
Paparazzi captured the bygone party scenes Champagne towers, stretch limos, crotch shots, and nip slips.
A splashy 2004 cover ofUsmagazine declared Teens Gone Wild!
over three grinning starlets Hillary Duff, Lindsay Lohan, and Mischa Barton.
Older men, all-night partying, extreme PDA.
The women appear more school-picture day than the copy might lead you to believe.
The headline reads, in bold impact font, BIMBO SUMMIT.
These were the original influencers.
A new reign began.
