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[When I die], I will decidedly not be regretting missed opportunities for a good time.
The Emmy- and Peabody-winning TV personalitys words seemed prophetic in the wake of hissuicidein 2018.
Here are some of the docs most savory details about the hard-living hosts complex life.
Bourdain never wanted to be on TV.
If I ever do TV, shoot me, longtime friend and book editor Karen Rinaldi remembers.
After a few years, that persona burned off and it became Tony.
Bourdains increasing displeasure with the producers scripts led to his takeover as scribe.
I better write in my voice.
Otherwise, Ill sound like a television travel host, Tenaglia remembers him saying.
Bourdains brother Chris says Putkoski had no interest in celebrity or being tied to it.
Shortly after that, I burned down my previous life in its entirety.
A loyal TV team put up with a lot of Bourdains bullshit.
He was a control freak in a lot of ways.
You couldnt win an argument with him, so the trick was to lead from behind.
Every show potentially had his wrath.
Vitale recalls numerous emails saying, Tell editor to unfuck itself …
He would say the greatest sin is mediocrity.
World events impacted the shows direction and its cultural commentary.
Bourdain didnt want to make a show from what they had shot, but the Travel Channel did.
Thats when Collins says the opinionated host stopped doing a rosy sum up and embraced ambiguity.
Similarly, after a leftover-food giveaway in Haiti went south, Bourdain realized even altruism could backfire.
[This] was a prime example of trying to help and its rearing its ugly head.
Chef David Chang says the more his friend traveled, the less it became about food.
I think it was about Tony learning how to be a better person.
When Bourdain met his second wife, Ottavia Busia, he did an about-face on fatherhood.
The James Beardaward winning French chef Eric Ripert thought they were a perfect match for those occasional … rendezvous.
For her part, Busia expected to meet a somewhat arrogant bad boy but instead found him endearing.
Ripert says he was a devoted father when he was home.
His love for Ariane moved him to his core, Tenaglia says.
I think he was constantly aware of not wanting to screw it up.
Bourdain and Busia were already leading separate lives when he met director-actress Asia Argento.
Rinaldi believes the breakup left him incredibly vulnerable.
Tenaglia thinks he blamed himself and that it left him wondering whether or not he was lovable.
He quit heroin cold turkey, but Bourdain may never have overcome his addictive personality.
Artist David Choe says his friends addiction jumped.
At the end of the day, Tonys dark as fuck, Chang says.
But the Momofuku founder was shocked when his friend said he wouldnt be a good father.
That fuckin hurt, he says, crying.
And I know he wasnt trying to be mean … Bourdain told musician John Lurie he was becoming agoraphobic.
And then I saw the pain on his face, he says.
Every band comes to an end.
Its time for us to break up and go our separate ways, Tenaglia recalls him saying.
He wanted to make his relationship with Argento work.
But when the producers gave him their blessing, he froze.
Tenaglia suspects he may have wanted them to object.
Its really kind of sad, Collins says emotionally.
After longtime cinematographer Zach Zamboni had a disagreement with her, Bourdain fired him.
I will always [feel like] I should have kept an eye on him more, you know?
A little fuckin discretion, he replied referring to Argento, not the director.
The fact of the matter is: No, I dont think we get to know.
