The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
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This week on our favorite show,Rich Women Doing Things,the rich women did things.
Mostly what the rich women did, however, was freak out about Diana.
Sutton, a Kookaburra sitting in an old gum tree, does a lot of weird shit this episode.
I cant get a read on this woman.
Why is she doing any of these things?
Does one have an effect on the rest?
Is this really about not getting a good seat on the private jet?
Yes, yes, it is.
(Hooker Catalogue is the name of my since-deleted Tumblr.)
Because of this text, everyone thinks that Diana will skip Garcelles party just like Denise Richards did.
First to arrive are Crystal and Rob.
Mutant power: The splits.
Dorit is dressed in the skin of an old boa constrictor fashioned into a jumpsuit complete with gloves.
Mutant power: A prehensile ponytail.
There is also a $250,000 diamond Birkin in the mix, snickering at the nearby dessert.
Diana gives Garcelle a passive-aggressive gift of her book, which is now out of print.
Garcelle would neverpull an Erika Jayneand throw that book in the trash.
Shes probably the one selling a used copy on Amazon for as much as a Birkin cake costs.
Yes, she has an agenda, and that agenda is pissing off everyone.
She doesnt owe anyone an explanation.
Why is it any of Suttons business?
The rest of the conversation, however, I feel a little bit bad for Sutton.
Diana unhinged her jaw and swallowed that woman in one bite.
Maybe she should have been wearing Dorits outfit?
Im sure plenty of people at home were like, Yassssss, hunty.
[Three clacks of a fan.
]Get her, Jade.
Boots the house down gag sickening, 100,000 doll hairs.
I think this might have been the most boring fight in all of Housewives history.
Sure, she calls Sutton fake.
Sure, she also calls her boring and then makes fun of Garcelle and is generally awful.
The problem is she was awful to no end.
Her awfulness is bland on the face of it.
When Diana starts mocking her, Sutton says she cant have a conversation.
Do I find Suttons fawning and sincerity tiring?
But Diana has to at least listen to it.
Thats what shes getting paid for.
Instead, she showed up determined to be mean to Sutton, and she was.
Rip the mask off that monster cause the Scoobies have solved this crime.
Nothing is interesting here.
Diana is just being mean for its own sake.
If there is going to be a fight, I want both sides to make points.
I want people to have a point of view.
Not Diana; shes just like a classroom bully.
When we watched her signature line in the trailer Do you want a new villain?
it seemed like an interesting provocation.
A real villain does not call herself a villain.
An interesting villain doesnt eventhinkshes a villain.
She thinks shes the hero and people just dont understand her.
