The Real Housewives of Miami
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
But there were a lot of horrors and indignities.
Oh wait, this isEmmain Paris.
She speaks French fluently and just wants to ride a scooter without a helmet in peace.
So Svekolnik is like a cold borscht.
Its like watery iceberg lettuce.
Thats going to get a no from me, dawg.
Im sure there are delicious Russian dishes, but I have never been a fan of a cold soup.
Finally, Martina gets Emma to promise to wear a helmet.
But how are we going to check?
Thats the problem with kids.
Theyre going to grow up; theyre going to do stupid shit.
Theyre going to have sex and go on dates and wear slutty outfits and go to raves.
Theyre going to ride around without helmets and fuck without condoms and dance like no one is watching.
(As long as they dont live, laugh, or love.
That is where we draw the line.)
They make sushi and flirt, but Larsa says hes a friend.
Why did they have less chemistry than the history department at Brown?
Why did they ruin perfectly good sushi rice making those roll abominations?
I have no answers, just questions.
We are now back to indignities when Dr. Nicole takes everyone out on her boat.
I just wanted you to take your shirt off, she says.
She was not disappointed.
Having a captain like Anthony seems to be a mistake, though.
Julia drives her truck down because her dog has an injury.
(Do you know what a Hot Carl is?
Its when youre lying on a pool deck in the sun, and Alexia cant pronounce your name.)
Did you clock that his plane has the logo for his business, Your Insurance Attorney dot com?
Do I need better insurance or to be an attorney because this all seems very unlikely?
Anyway, Lisa, who is always late, makes everyone wait 90 minutes for her to arrive.
Lisa finally arrives, doesnt apologize, and tells everyone she has a lot going on.
Well, he did.
He wanted kids to make his parents happy and prove he could.
Now that he has the kids, he wants nothing to do with them.
How do we know?
All of their petty squabbles were put to rest to rid this woman of a no-good man.
Right now, we also haveThe Real Housewives of PotomacandThe Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
Yes, we love drama, but that is no fun to watch.
I want real-lifeClaws, which were getting fromMiamiright now.
Damn, I cant wait to see all the ways these bitches come up with to end this man.
Maybe theyll just change his name to Carl.
