The Real Housewives of New Jersey
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I have a problem with Jennifer Aydin.
It has to do with a little incident that happens in her own backyard.
Her oldest son, Justin, turns on the waterfall so all the kids get their drawers wet.
They stand up, scream, and complain, and Jennifer says, Justin, thats not funny.
Im sorry, Jen, but that is funny.
That is very funny.
Coddledis the best word to describe Jennifers brood.
Im not saying shes a bad mother.
Really, I brought up Dolores just so I could point that out.
Next stop, Jackies house.
Oh no, wait.
Shes not in this episode other than to tell Teresa to stick her olive branch up her ass.
Finally, like a Roomba out of batteries, we land at Melissa Gorgas house in Toms River.
It appears this is her story line this season, so she mentions it at every turn.
Teresa mentions that she wants to eat lots of pineapples and peaches because it will make her taste sweeter.
You know [whispers so only gnomes can hear me], down there.
(As it happens, as soon as Tony the Pool Boy arrives, Im coming too.)
He doesnt want Tony anywhere near his sister because he knows how horny Tony is.
You cant have it both ways.
Talking about sex doesnt lead to having sex.
Probably just the opposite.
And its not just the guys; its the women, too.
They have internalized this fear of their own sexuality.
How did this even happen?
Oh, the Catholic Church.
Thats always the answer, isnt it?
Teresa is once again talking about her pineapples and how that makes her pineapple taste like a pina colada.
(A punani colada?)
you could control what you taste like based on what you eat?
Neither of these men has ever contemplated a diet of anything other than processed meats and protein powder.
Their spunk must taste like theblack mayonnaisethats scooped up from the bottom of the Gowanus Canal.
He looks like Marge dressed him.
Yes, I could watch this program all day.
Replace the entire panel ofThe Viewwith these two and a block of mortadella.
Joe confronts Jonathan about their money issues and, well, it all sounds sketchy.
This guy is going to work with Joe again?
Spit in my cheese fries once, shame on you.
The cheese fries, like Cady Herons limit,do not exist.
Theres not much to say other than Ouchie.
It was just sad.
It was sad when she blubbered water down her front.
It was sad when three women couldnt hold her up on her platform wedges.
Yes, it was sad.
It was all sad, like the changing of the seasons or the passing of an era.
