The Real Housewives of New Jersey
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Dot the apples with butter, she reads from the recipe to the girls.
What does that mean?
The same is true of her dedication to the reality television arts and sciences.
However, her heart just doesnt seem to be in it anymore.
Then came the rest of the season, which fizzled out like a ten-year-old bag of Pop Rocks.
I dont need people to know my business, she says.
Then, talking about her new relationship, she says, I want real moments, to myself.
That is the Faustian bargain.
But that also means that she needs to find another line of work.
This brings us to her toothless dinner with Luis.
Hes also taller than her, which must be a very nice relief for her and her shoe closet.
We need to meet this guy, its all over the press.
(Isnt saying suburban New Jersey redundant, like saying assless chaps or insane conspiracy theory?)
She doesnt look like cotton candy so much as she looks like the floor of JoJo Siwas craft room.
People dont believe me, but a mustache makes every face 78 percent more handsome.
Dolores doesnt win any prizes as an accident victim but Frank looks great as Joe Exotic.
Hey, anything to get Mr. Catania pretending to be a gay dude.
Melissa and Joe are a mermaid and a merman and Joe definitely got his costume at SluttyShirtlessCostumesForGayDudesGrrrrrrllll.Rainbow.
He even shaded in his pecs and his abs to make them pop.
That is some Black Party Go-Go Boy bullshit right there.
(Also, I commend you.)
Michelle, Teresas Realtor, is dressed as a sexy kitty because of course.
Though with her Party City wig, it looked more like she was dressed as theCatsbutthole edit.
Joe confronts Marge directly about what she called him and he cant even listen to why she thinks that.
In his mind hes perfect, he doesnt have a problem, and he doesnt need to change.
Well, how about getting your husband to be less regressive?
Strangely, the person with the most sage advice is Bill Aydin.
While all the boys are in a butt-touching scrum, he says, They have a point.
If they all feel strongly that we are being inconsiderate…we have to listen.
It all comes down to listening.
Joe, however, literally says, Shut the fuck up.
He cant listen not only to the women but also to Bill on the womens behalf.
We then see the dinner for their 18th wedding anniversary.
That is just adorable.
During the dinner Bill is telling the kids that he never asked their mother to marry him.
According to the Turkish tradition, there was a family elder who did a promise of engagement.
He also never got her an engagement ring because he was a poor med student at the time.
Inside the box is a nine-carat yellow diamond that makes Jennifer wetter than a sweat rag in the Everglades.
Oh my god, is this for real, she gasps, before saying yes and kissing him.
For some reason, Im crying while watching this.
Heck, Im crying while writing about it again.
Who ever thought we would be here?
Who ever thought that Teresa could be laid low by someone who actually wanted to be authentic on television?
