The Real Housewives of New Jersey
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I hate to hate her.
I hate her so much that I think she needs to get off of my television screen.
The show, however, is off to an excellent start.
Is that surgery or just time off?
Dolores had the most surgery.
She says, I had a tummy tuck, liposuction, and a butt lift a little bit.
Does she mean it only lifted a little or she just wants us to think its no big deal?
Weve seen the scars; it looks like a real big deal.
Her ex, Frank, tells her she looks like she got filleted like a flounder.
Well, my butt was floundering, she says.
Gold star for Dolores.
Her boyfriend, David, didnt love the surgery, and hes a doctor.
She didnt tell him until just before she left for the hospital because he thinks elective surgeries are wrong.
Oh yes, we got one hell of an update from David and Dolores.
Shes still living with her ex-husband, Frank, while her son, Frankie, is living with David.
Bake that into your ziti and call the Brownstone because we need a celebration.
Anyway, everyone shows up at Evans party with their new tits and asses and faces.
I know, COVID restrictions suck.
Just have them cater it.
How much more planning do you gotta do?
Just get Frankie to hire three of his roided-out friends from the gym.
Bada-bing, we have ourselves an amateur strip club for Evans birthday.
Just what he wanted.
What he didnt want was Teresa going around his very own 46th-birthday party talking shit about him.
What kind of stuff?
Teresa tells her she heard he does stuff at the gym.
Okay, yes, what kind of stuff are we talking about?
Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man stuff?
Teresa says she heard Evan cheats on her at the gym.
She cant remember who told her because, You know me, I just forget stuff.
Everyone, to a person, including Jackies sworn enemy, Jennifer, thinks this is disgusting.
Oh no, wait.
That was the kamikaze shots.
She says Teresa shared a rumor on-camera that could have devastating effects on her and her family.
has had to prostrate herself in front of for the past three seasons.
One of Teresas many fatal flaws is that she cant admit she is wrong.
She wont say, Im sorry.
Yes, I heard that, but I dont believe it and I think that it is false.
No, she has to double down and say, Well, its not like I toldhimat his party.
Point taken, but even worse, you talked about him behind his back to all of his friends.
I would like to dismantle every point in Teresas argument because it is absolutely ridiculous.
I think its a combination of these three and the person shes trying to protect is Teresa Giudice.
Jackie asks if that person knows her and Evan.
Im not sure, Teresa says.
Obviously, they do if they told me.
Then Teresa says, Where theres smoke, theres fire.
Yes, that is often true, but Teresa did not see the smoke or the fire.
Okay, well, was Evan one of those people?
Then this point doesnt even make sense.
We know that lots of married men have affairs.
Just, I dont know, look at your ex-husbands behavior on-camera.
What do you think she is in this room doing?!
Jackie accuses Teresa of spreading a rumor, and she says, I did not spread a rumor.
I heard a rumor.
Yes, you heard a rumor and then you did not just go, Oh, thats crazy.
You did not, as Jennifer says, collect receipts and come correct.
You just started telling people willy-nilly at a party.
Now just imagine this Magnum is a rumor.
Yeah, you spread it like I will spread my legs after this pandemic is over.
Finally, Jackie tries to use logic with Teresa.
This will never work.
Trying to get logic out of Teresa is like asking a starfish to borrow a pen.
Teresa doesnt understand reason or hypocrisy.
All because Jackie brought kids into this.
That is not what Jackie did.
In the context of the argument, we are all meant to know that this rumor is fake.
That is the point of it.
Thats why Im so sick of Teresa on this show.
I find that at least clinically interesting.
Teresa, though, is garden-variety stupid, and that bores me.
Jackie asks, How far do we let a person like Teresa go?
Apparently, the answer is at least another season, but I wish something would change that.
