The Real Housewives of Orange County
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At the beginning of this episode, my expectations are low.
Im talking low like the noses of those twins onSelling Sunsetor the prices at Filenes Basement.
What is up with that insufferably long family dinner with the Dubrows at Nobu?
Do they own stock in this place?
As her mother counsels her, F everyone else.
No good life was ever lived trying to make other people happy.
Queer the fuck out.
Right now, youre in a branded apron on reality television.
As Dan Savage taught us, it gets better, sister.
(Oh, honey, that deep cut iscourtesy of my MFA in poetry.)
But somehow, someway, she always wins me back.
Okay, this is an excellent gift.
My one problem is that I want Shannon tomacrodose.
Can she c’mon show up to the next reunion on a whole pot brownie?
Oh yes, we need to talk about Noella.
No, its not that deep.
No one wants to hang out with a person who only talks about herself all the time.
No, you are missing the point entirely.
Its not that people are triggered, they just want to be asked how work is going.
They want to share the latest show they are watching on Netflix.
(That is what I want to tell you.)
(Maybe a dingo ate your vowels?)
Apparently after their fight last episode, he packed his bags and left the house.
Dont worry, he was back a day later, passing out on the sofa with her holding hands.
A quarter hour later, shes in Shannons backyard, being like, Hey bitches.
Who has two thumbs and is getting divorced?
Jens turnaround is hilarious.
That is clear though from the moment she started talking about it with the women.
Shannon says that she did a marriage boot camp, and Jen says she did the same thing.
As soon as they discovered it, in my head, I chant,Show it!
Show it!Oh, they do.
As this conversation goes on, Noella asks, Do you have a prenup?
Um, this is not helping because we all see where this is going.
Noella is right; he could be.
I get where she is coming from.
But that is not Dr. Jens problem.
Noella cant figure out how to make this situation about anyone other than herself.
She repeats this sentiment from her bestie Gina, who picked up on it at the lunch party.
How much care does our skin need?
Hopefully we wont have to go back to Nobu any time soon.
