The Real Housewives of Orange County
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Noella almost had me.
I feel like this whole episode was like being on a yo-yo with Noella.
I was in, I was out, I was in, I was out.
Does this make her a good Housewife?
No, because a great Housewife always has you.
Even when Im out with Shannon Beador, Im still in.
IYKYK, as the kids on TikTok say.
(For all of you olds out there, it means in your kindness, you kill.)
Things have progressed deep into a tequila bottle.
This is also my ideal menage, but I have a feeling the gender of the twins is reversed.
I dont know Johns truth.
This causes Emily and Gina to leave the dinner, only to be coaxed back by Shannon.
She says in confessional that Noella needs to make every conversation about herself.
Think about how exhausting that must be.
This is called having a conversation.
But, of course, it is Noella who passes out.
Of course, she has to be removed from the boiling hut by producers.
Of course, she couldnt handle the heat.
Of course, of course, of course.
She doesnt want there to be any drama.
She is, for a change, avoiding a fight.
Heather, at the other end of the table, says, Literally?
Heather, again baiting her, says, Okay, I wont.
I have no interest.
I said this last week, but Idont think this is pornography.
Was it sexually explicit?
Was it inappropriate for a 17-year-old?
Does a Catholic bear have scat play in the woods?
The situation is just as I thought.
Noella had no idea that the game was as raunchy as the hot tub on an Atlantis Cruise.
Dont tell me Im inappropriate.
But thats not what Heather is saying; she is saying thegiftis inappropriate.
Then Heather is like, Okay, fuck it.
Oh my God, Im so sorry, Noella says when she hears the content.
Yes, that apology is all anyone wanted.
That is what they told you to do.
Oh my God, that is insanely inappropriate, she says.
That is what we are telling you.
But there are two problems here.
The first is that Noella wouldnt take accountability and admit that she made a mistake.
The second is that Heather just assumed that Noella was feeding her daughter smut on purpose.
Heres what I mean about Noella.
And you cant win that way.
Okay, back up, fancy pants.
What youre saying is you excluded someone on the basis of sexual orientation and race?
That doesnt sound as wholesome and supportive as you want it to sound.
Also, who is Heather, the phoniest of the phonies, to talk about someone being so calculated?
So, yes, in this episode, Im in and Im out with everyone.
Except, of course, for Emily Simpson.
