The Real Housewives of Orange County
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This week on our favorite program,Heather Dubrows Doing Things, the Heather Dubrows did things.
Lydia McLaughlin didnt get that.
She didnt even get a welcome back gift from Tamra.
She folded in on herself and gained 30 pounds.
Okay, Im with you.
Then she tells us what cured her: winning the Greater Miss Syracuse pageant.
Everyone in the audience is like, Ew.
Not like J.K. Rowling is canceled.
Its canceled like no one wanted to do it anymore so they had to cancel it.
Well, Carole, maybe thats how they set a table at Tao.
Maybe youre actually the one that is wrong?
But that she would think she knows bestandnot be able to help herself is peak Heather Dubrow.
And can we talk about their competing drink orders?
Did I say dry?
I mean dry like Kristen Stewart thinking about sex with a man.
Do you have fresh juice?
Can I get some grapefruit juice on the side, hey?
I mean, same person.
Heather says her mother always had a plan, always had a schedule, and she does too.
The difference is, if people dont want to go, then she doesnt make them.
Because I think you are most likely a mimeograph of your mother.
No, she has them over for a cooking class.
The thing about this conversation is that, well, no one cares.
Also Gina is right, Shannon cant be happy for anyone elses success.
I dont know that its jealousy as much as it is insecurity.
Hes working so hard on this relationship that he left Jen to do couples counseling alone.
Then it turns out that he thinks shes criticizing him even though she says she is not.
Child child honey child.
(Shes as jealous of me as Shannon is of Emily.)
Your marriage is already deader than Jimmy Hoffas gut biome.
you’re free to stay and party and split an edible with Shannon.
There is no marriage left to save.
How she continues to front her own trauma over everyone elses is exhausting to me.
At least Jen called her out on whispering to her face and made Noella say it out loud.
If she cant be sexy, at least she can make a bit out of it.
Theyre having so much fun, even Archie Beador hops in.
Can I haz pools 2?
