The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
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The Real Housewives of Salt Lake Cityis in a state of crisis.
The wheels are falling off the sprinter van as it goes full speed and nobodys in the drivers seat.
Sure, theres still enjoyment in the chaos or whenever Lisa Barlow says anything.
Still, the season is becoming increasingly untethered to the sensible rules of engagement that were accustomed to.
Its our third day in San Diego, but it feels like an eternity.
Im already starting to forget what snow and Angie H. look like.
But now, weve finally arrived at the moment.
Jen is shocked to see Heathers battle wounds (or is she?)
and gets ice to tuck behind her sunglasses.
She asks what happened, but Heather says she doesnt know.
I dont want to get anyone in trouble, Jen, Heather ominously tells her.
We need a cover story.
What in Gods name are we watching?
Why are we speaking in code?
If a cover story is being made, shouldnt that be happening off-camera?
Tinder date gone bad?
When Jen steps out, Meredith keeps questioning her.
I dont wanna talk about it, Heather whispers.
You know what happened, Meredith says.
Hypothetically … it was obviously Jen, right?
That prison yard has a big storm coming.
Okay, Heather, this dramatic teasing is only fun if youre eventually telling us what happened.
A whodunit only works when we ultimately find out whodunit.
Soon enough, were go-karting.
Both of their conversations naturally circle back to Heathers eye, which Whitney suspects Jen is responsible for.
No, Heather, this is a game of Rockem Sockem Robots.
Luckily there are other dramas to discuss.
Is BLEEP the same BLEEP from the Utah Jazz tickets?
Very convenient timing; thank you, producers.
As she rants, a booming score plays like were in anAvengersmovie, but Thanos is on roller skates.
I dont pop pills, bitch.
You do, she beautifully concludes.
The women all discuss the SEC filing and Lisas finances, as you do when youre on theReal Housewives.
Could anything be worth that?
Who talked about an SEC filing about Lisa?
Whitney asks the table, which gets just as quiet as Heather being asked about her eye.
According to Lisa, this is all about the Rant.
Were sitting in the shit, doing laps in it even, instead of moving forward through it.
This show knows no genre.
Heathers confessional producer doesnt have much luck trying to get a straight answer either.
