The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
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Well, sort of no.
Weve got yelling and setting up for finale yelling, but weve also got, um, something else.
This episode is sort of like that one time I drove across the country with my cat.
In this rapidly decaying metaphor, tuna goo is the Housewifery.
The sneaky zoot juice is raw footage from Faith Temple Pentecostal.
And Creature is me.
Were still in Zion.
They playLisas tiradeagain to refresh our memories.
But Lisa is not having it.
Lisa arms herself with a blow dryer, and WAIT A SECOND, are those real tears?!
GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
Maybe this is Mormon 3.0?
Theyre really gunning for a 17-part reunion, eh?
The way this woman wields insults never fails to leave me gobsmacked.
Whitney waltzes in to oh no, not again.
Its more speculation about the damn memorial.
She takes a smelly tequila piss, and then Meredith enters the room to do a lil speculation inquisition.
Mary does not join Kev and the gals on the sprinter van home.
Other clipsicles include Lisa considering adding grills to her spon-con lineup and Jens quick check-in with Clayton.
look like a complete buffoon.
He explains to Jen that Stu has an attorney and theyre still processing were a team, were working.
Were not a team working, but were not opposed to each other at this point.
Really earning that hourly rate!
What does that look like here?
It starts with using Jen as a pawn for audience rubbernecking in an attempt to trauma-bond us all.
Because the time has come.
Mary comes strutting down the aisle likeLittle Baby Billyand hops right on the altar for everyone to worship her.
Im not even exaggerating here.
Within mere minutes, we have various congregants telling Mary:
You are my perfect love.
Gods love for his people reigns in you.
God shines in all that you do.
You are the perfect friend.
You are a master of positivity.
You are a perfect teacher.
You are a perfect dresser.
Its a beauty thats beyond divine.
Youve been the best friend!
I could ever imagine!
ILL NEVER LEAVE YOU.
[speaking in tongues].
You are the facsimile of God.
I dont know if Ive ever disagreed with the assessment of a petty situation more.
Friends help friends get out of shit they dont want to do!
Shoutout to my real ones!
