The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
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The episode kicks off just the way we like it, with a screaming match already in full swing.
Unfortunately, this first attempt at standing up for herself isnt quite coherent enough to resonate.
Her name is Crystal Pussy, and shes also Jens makeup artist.
Where has Crystal Pussy been all this time?
Was she just hiding in a bedroom somewhere while the women screamed at each other waiting to emerge?
The womens hearts are clearly not in the twerking, with Meredith being particularly ill-equipped for this late-night challenge.
I can squeeze one butt cheek, she says, sounding a lot like Michael Darby.
Bad Weather, NO MATTER WHAT.
In the cold light of morning, Whitney still feels betrayed.
2:15 p.m.
Meredith:Good morning, guys.
2:25 p.m.
Jen:Good morning!
Shell be leaving early to go to New York for another mock trial.
Her lead trial attorney told her to stop getting Botox so shes able to emote on the stand.
At least theres precedent!
They send her off with a group hug, all five of them.
And the even more unimaginable happens back inside when Lisa and Meredith embrace for a 13-second-long hug.
It turns out the one thing that could bring these five women together was the FBI.
A storms a-brewin thatll put this Scottsdale rain to shame.
Whitney feels hurt that Heather didnt have her back and that she called her a liar.
Whitney was the one claiming that was a lie.
If you recall, shes fully shocked and laughing at the absurdity.
Which, again, Heather couldnt do because according to her, she didnt know anything about it.
This conflict has spiraled out so far that the Jazz tickets themselves have practically become a footnote.
Seeing us go off the rails, Meredith jumps in to play mediator, to no avail.
What does finally put a halt to this unproductive conversation is the arrival of the sliders to the table.
Nothing puts the women ofSalt Lake Cityat ease like a plate of apps.
Theyre all entertained, and Heather asks if Jen has seen it yet.
