The Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip
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Before shes even de-mussed her hair, Dorinda is on the apology tour.
Dorinda starts off with, I love you.
Why do the women spend all episode saying, I love you.
What is going on with all of this romance?
Did Len put Molly in everyones yogurt or something?
Anyway, Dorinda apologizes and says she said the wrong thing when she wished for death on Brandis son.
She says, I should have just said someone close to you.
Brandi replies with the correct thing, which is maybe she shouldnt have said anything at all.
Maybe she should have, in Vickis immortal words, zipped it.
Brandi finally asks the question on everyones minds, Why are you so mad?
Its happening every day with one of us.
Or what happened with D and Vicki?
Or what happened with D and that one really saucy nutcracker decoration that wouldnt stand up straight?
Dorinda was acting just like this while she was still on the show.
Ive never been around that.
It is bizarre to me.
Vicki, did you block out the last 14 years of your life?
That was so below the belt it was around the ankles.
This is just a little interlude to appreciate what is now one of my all-time favoriteReal Housewivesscenes.
Of all the insanely hilarious Irish Catholic guilt things to say to a group of people.
Its so insane it is impressive.
I cant wait until this is on her gravestone.
Here lies Victoria Denise Gunvalson Jr. She died as she lived: sad.
I will lie under it and have my picture taken, like Shannon Beador at a relationship retreat.
Vicki then asks all the women about what it was like to leave their franchises.
Dorinda says shes on pause, and Brandi tells her that shes in denial about that.
I wish they had fans vote and the women got to see what our favorite moments were.
Dwell in that darkness.
Cue up some Morrissey songs and let us all wallow in our angst.
Nothing makes you feel the supple, supple skin of teenagers like Moz and a good cry.
There are so many decorations.
Dorinda for sure has a Christmas room like Deborah Vance inHacks.
Is equal parts funny and cruel.
Wait, are we sure Dorinda is not Deborah Vance?
Has anyone seen them in the same room together?
Talk about stuffing some stockings.
Talk about coming down the chimney.
Talk about donning our gay apparel.
Wait that is Brandi who is trying to smash her muffin on all of the women at the gathering.
She also says that Denise totally denied everything.
When asked who she believed, Tamra says, Denise.
Then shes like, Oh wait.
Tamra says that she is married, but otherwise she might have banged her.
One quick call to Eddie and he would have been like, Yes.
I beg of you, and then he would have died.
You know that Eddie has a weak heart.
It would have been too much for him, but I think just enough for Tamra.
The rest of the evening is quite nice, mainly because Dorinda isnt drinking.
She decided she needed something to relax and drew herself a nice warm bath and lit some candles.
What else says Christmas night like a hot bath and some candlelight?
(Maybe some egg nog and a Hallmark movie, but I digress.)
It was her Hitachi Magic Wand, but what makes it magic isnt that it floats.
She was alert but didnt know to get out of the tub.
Why do you look familiar?
And why do you have my vibrator?
Vicki was working up so much anger that she was almost vibrating.
With a little laugh, the woman flicked her wrist and tossed the appliance in the cooling bath water.
