The Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip
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What happened to the easy, breezy, beautiful CovergirlUGTthat I remember?
The one from last season or even the first episode of this season?
Even Emily Simpson was shooketh by that one-piece.
Dorinda says that Jill is being thirsty and wouldnt take the hint.
Jill tells the other women that its not the message, its the tone.
Yes, that has always been Dorindas problem.
Jill really narrows it down with Dorinda and says, You didnt have to be so mean.
Dorinda responds that she doesnt have that problem with anyone in her life.
You have that problem with everyonein this house.
What it all comes down to, really, is thirst.
These women are thirstier than Miley Cyrus coming off the stage at Coachella.
Theyre thirstier than all the dead plants in your exs living room.
Theyre thirstier than those tiny little pills that turn into full-size T-shirts.
Here is a ranking of everyone on the show, from least thirsty to most thirsty:
9.
Like all fights in late-stage Housewifery, the Jill and Dorinda fight is about the show itself.
Jill points out that Dorinda is no longer on that show either.
Im on pause, Dorinda says.
Her ass got fired like a fart lit aflame, just like all the other women around the table.
Her evidence is that her assistant emailed Bravo, but they didnt ever get an email from her directly.
Um, who do you think told that assistant to send that email?
This is the dog eating her homework-est excuse that I have ever heard in my entire life.
This is like, I did not inhale or But her emails ofHousewivesexcuses.
Jill totally invited them to the funeral, but guess what,thank God she did!
He would have totally sent her flowers while at Bluestone Manor, just like her boyfriend Gary did.
No one should make Jill feel guilty that she did that.
We also see that none of them have grown, changed, or evolved.
We see this mostly with Brandi and Dorinda.
At dinner, Taylor decides it is a bad idea to bring up old shit.
It is now, I dont know, chocolate milk.
No one cares, but Taylor is trying to score righteousness points or something.
Why is Taylor bringing spices into this?
Finally, Brandi says, You were successful because your husband killed himself.
Yup, there it is.
The nuke that Brandi brought to this knife fight.
Its all the same.
Everyone is disgusted, and Brandi says she did it because Taylor was coming after her.
Still, it has never been an excuse, and Brandi could never fight fair.
But then Dorinda asks Brandi, What if your son died?
Oh no, sister.
No no no no no no no.
That is not like when Jackie said, What if someone said Gia was doing coke in the bathroom?
We all knew that was an analogy without having to announce it.
What Dorinda said was like a curse.
Youre making a mockery of death, she shouts at Brandi before someone can usher everyone out the door.
Taylor was already out there by herself, waiting for the vans to come to pick her up.
Psst, she heard.
I have something for you.
She was confused but excited.
She slowly walked over, step by tentative step.
