The Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip
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Hi, hello there, excuse me.
Am I in the right place?
Vulture summoned me from my off-season home inside the walk-in at Valters to partake in this supposedly special occasion.
But where is the catchy intro song?
This is just theDeadwoodscore made from TikTok sounds?
No one informed me this was a bring-your-own serotonin event.
Too much unpausing happening here.
Someone get them back in the cryogenic freezers before the real decaying starts!
Alas, its still night one.
The great struggles of modernity!
Eva straight-up asks her, Oh, youre anti-vaxxer!?!
and its the best two-episode character arc Ive ever seen.
Speaking of which, its day two, and those Cameos arent gonna record themselves.
The gals are up bright and early to strap in for six different group activities.
Phaedra examines the dusty bacon.
Evas already been to work and back.
Vicki whines to Tamra for something to protect her stomach lining from that vat of horse medication.
Brandi apologizes to Taylor, and Taylor refuses to emote anything resembling her actual feelings.
Jill Zarin oh, wait Jill Zarin is here.
Theres a fascinating relaxation dichotomy on display here.
On the other extreme, weve got Vicki, who is like, Sitting is a waste of time.
Just something to think about for anyone with even the tiniest nubbin of PTO.
Anyway, Eva and Taylor have a genuine conversation about domestic abuse and different types of female strength.
Its also not as jarring as it should be, probably because their moment of vulnerability is fleeting.
They quickly hug and make a pact to get drunk.
The pact is indeed fulfilled!
Before dinner, theres a quick coffee reading.
Some real all-star stuff across the board.
Its the bell to commence the introduction of the salads.
In one corner, weve got Taylor, Vicki, Tamra, and two-thirds of Dorinda.
The team mascot is a pearl-clutching its pearls.
In the other corner, weve got Brandi, one-third of Dorinda, plus Eva and Phaedra.
Their team mascot is a five-milligram Sativa Sour Strawberry gummy cut into thirds with a pair of cuticle scissors.
I wont even pretend like I understand what motivates her behavior.
Desperation for love coupled with an inability to read the room?
Phaedra asks her how she came to this conclusion, and Brandi responds, her eyebrows.
See ya wheneverRHOSLCis back!
