The Serpent Queen
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Make Mary, Queen of Scots, a wild-eyed zealot?
Set up Antoine of Navarre as the comic relief?
Have Charles V hit on Catherine at her husbands funeral?
We switch things up late in the game by having a MARY-narrated episode.
Mary shows up in Rahimas cell to tell her part of the story.
This person is imprisoned because they were caught trying to find proof of something else.
Mary thinks if she tells Rahima all the facts, Rahima will lend her her mediocre snooping skills.
First of all: THEY SHOW THE LANCE.
THEY SHOW THE LANCE IN THE EYE.
WHO MADE THIS DECISION.
THEY KEEP SHOWING IT AGAIN.
And I mean, itisa weird way for a king to die.
Not that he dies right away!
This is dumb, but okay, Henry.
He DOES have a pole in his eye.
On the prisoners??
Is she still asleep?
To be fair, shes been ingesting a lot of gold.
I mean, in fairness, hes not interred next to Diane at St. Denis.
Hes next to Catherine, and their tomb is creepy af.
So now Francis, the former dauphin, is king, and Mary of Scots is queen.
Dont worry,its never for long.
Personal vendettas are their own thing, and political expediency is its own thing.
Am I being too Catherine-ish?
Only time will tell.
By which I mean, if I start plotting to seize control of France, thats a sure sign.
If there were ever a child with a sense of religious destiny, it was Joan of Arc.
In this case, however, Mary does seem very bad at her job.
PAUSE EVERYTHING becauseAntoine of Navarre is going down on Antoinette Guise.
Right, the gross mother of the Guise boys.
Okay, now that thats done, heres the fun but evil mother of the Guise boys!
Being sexed up by dumb-as-rocks Antoine!
I approve of this for both of them.
What an unexpectedly delightful pairing.
And I love all of it.
We then get this exchange, starting with Antoinette:
Youre not going to get emotional, are you?
Our families despise each other.
And were probably related anyway.
Its the best part of the episode.
And this is a very good episode.
Mary makes Francis sign a decree banning Protestantism and making Catholicism the only legal religion.
Mary banishes the Bourbons and Antoine screams I fucked your mother at the Guises, which is very funny.
So now the Guises reign supreme and the Bourbons have to go back to live with their parents.
(Mathilde: Really?
Thats not been my experience.)
Both of their delivery is extremely good.
More scenes with Mary and Mathilde, like!
I dont know how this helps the witchcraft charge, but I likeintrigue.
Pigs that get fucked!
Quite right, sir.
He tells them they cant come home because he doesnt want them there.
(Antoine: Shes awful; Louis: I fucking hate Navarre.)
Charles thinks this plan is trash, but also that it just might be trash enough to work.
The plan moves forward.
