The Serpent Queen
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older Catherine de Medici).
The guards outside Catherines rooms, too, but this Kitchen Girl really has it out for Rahima.
Kitchen Girl gives Rahima the tray with Catherines food, except!
As Catherine discovers when she lifts the lid, there is a goddamnturdon the plate.
I have a lot of questions.
Like how did Kitchen Girl think she would get away with this?
Isnt the whole point of Catherine that she is terrifying and everyone thinks shes a witch?
Its not like no one knows who prepared the tray!
Think it through, Kitchen Girl!
As it stands, Catherine tells Rahima she has an enemy and has to teach her a lesson.
Samantha Morton is giving A+ evil stepmotherwicked queen vibes, and I love this weird-ass tutelage of Rahima.
And we resume our journey to the past!
The Medici continue to hold an unstable place in what will eventually be Italy, and Catherine isstillnot pregnant.
Because Henry has literally not had sex with her since their uninspiring wedding night.
Her dowry hasnt been fully paid, which means her marriage could still be annulled.
Catherines goal is to get Henry back to her bedroom, only Diane de Poitiers keeps cockblocking her.
Like justsucha dick at every turn.
She is 20 years older than Henry!
His mother died when he was 5, and Diane was her lady-in-waiting at the time of Henrys birth.
Youre married figure it out, dude!
Like maybe chatting with their new spouse at some point instead of hanging out with their 35-year-old girlfriend.
Their new spouse who, for some reason, loves them.
Maybe because almost everyone else is terrible and Henry acts like a disoriented duckling.
Therere a lot of plot threads here.
); and Diane is tracking what Catherine is doing at any given moment, which she accomplishes viaspies.
Wow, the dauphin.
And yes,dauphinmeans dolphin.
Youd think the reason would be fun, but it is instead both boring and complicated.
Should people still talk about the Dolphin and the Prince of Whales?
YES, yes, they should.
But anyway, this particular dolphin is a real asshole.
I mean, like the most sociopathic, morally bankrupt, wow-someone-stop-that-kid-from-ruling piece of work.
Which, damn, I did not see that coming.
the dauphin shoots the woman trying to protect her husband (the flirting stable hand!
), who had one of those the kings getting banged by the pope illustrations in his home.
Francis tells Henry to shoot the man and his son.
Oh my God, the aristocracy is so WEIRD.
Henry ends up stabbing the stable hand in the NECK, then tells the kid to run.
If youre like,wait, didnt something else happen with the stable hand?Yes!
That man is all over this episode.
So yes, he was sick from poison at home when he was then murdered by Henry.
Looking forward to more petty vengeance from Catherine and hopefully fewer shootings/stabbings of innocent people.
And yes, I am vaguely hoping the show ignores the St. Bartholomews Day massacre.
Catherine keeps manipulating him just enough to keep her at court and married to his son.
I like him, but I will not be sorry when hes gone.
Catherine finds her way around the visiting princess obstacle, has sex with Henry (uninspiring yet again!
), asks her magician to help Aabis with her pregnancy (he does!
), and negotiates with Sultan Suleiman to help Henry regain her dowry lands in Italy.
Truly winning this episode.
Then she gives Rahima a bag of gunpowder and tells her it goes well with brioche.
This show is thegirl smiling outside the burning house meme.
Probably via an elaborate trap so it cant be traced back to you.
Wouldnt Catherine and Henrys marriage have to be annulled by the pope?
Who is her uncle.
It was the 1530s and you might as well try anything.
