The Watcher
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Nora (Naomi Watts) has the audacity to note that the house is a little sterile.
Nora, you literally dressed your entire family in different shades of oatmeal, pots and kettles.
At the open house, the Brannocks meet Pearl (Mia Farrow!
Their whole look is veryAmerican Gothic.
They love the dumbwaiter.
Did you know the house has a dumbwaiter?
Maybe Carter should Google what is a dumbwaiter.
Gosh, how thrilling that theres a dumbwaiter in this house!
Now for the real star of the show:Karen.
Karen is Jennifer Coolidge, and when I saw her onscreen I said out loud, Ohhell,yes.
Karen and Nora went to RISD together back when Nora was crunchy (read: less beige).
Nora makes ceramics and has a gallery in Tribeca.
Karen is divorced and just wants to marry rich.
Anyway, shes showing the house, so now the Brannocks have anin.
Another selling point for this house is that the next-door neighbors are Richard Kind and Margo Martindale.
(This prompted another Hell, yesfrom your recapper, whowill not restuntil everyone has watchedThe Americans.
They are Mitch and Mo.
They like to wear matching windbreakers and sit on lawn chairs and stare with contempt across the hedge.
I love them already.
Dean asks his finance guy (banker?
Dean is under the delusion that people dont lock their doors in Westfield.
People absolutely lock their doors in Westfield!
Dean wants his kids to have a yard to play in.
Dean, your daughter is in high school; she is not going to play in the yard.
Six weeks later, Dean takes a cab home from the train station to their dream house.
(He takes a cabevery day?
No wonder they cant afford the house.)
He literally says, Honey, Im home, because see above re subtlety.
Ah, they are so at peace in their beige palace.
And Im allowed to say that!
Even Bruce probably begrudgingly sighed, I guess we gotta go back to Freehold.
Money is tight, obviously, but Dean and Nora want to buy so much dumb bougie stuff.
Dean cant bear the 2009 marble countertops?
He calls his wife Mrs. Brannock?
Shes not even a Ms.?
Nobody cares that Ellie can hear music playing upstairs through the haunted intercom.
Dean wakes up at dawn to see the newspaper delivered by bicycle (no).
Time to go to the incompetent police!
where the only crime worth noting is a couple of disappearances.
He says its aprank.
Buddy, it is not even Mischief Night!
This brings us one of the best line readings of the episode (Basic fucking horticulture, friend!
), and Mo tells Dean he has made agravemistake by not being nicer to her.
It was already in the glass IYKYK.
Meanwhile, Nora is trying to fit in by playing tennis at the country club.
Shes with Karen, and here we get the No.
!But when he opens the door,Jasperis in there.
(The worddumbwaiterdoesnt mean what it used to.)
(Do the kids still refer to themselves as jailbait?
Feels a little early aughts for me, which I think is when this girl was born.)
Finally, it is time for Sprinkles to die.
Chamberland is still in denial that anything is awry.
If you were upstairs, you would never hear them scream.
