Winter House
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The money they spent on their plane tickets wasnt enough to justify this whole journey.
I got to write onlyone Tom-and-Tom slash-fiction scene.
Just like lovers ofnatural toothpaste, the public demands more Toms.
The Toms say it is whatever you want it to be.
That is not how this show works.
This is the natural order of the universe, and for the Toms to upend it is ridiculous.
He says this as if it were a good thing, like its a compliment.
But, wait, he hasnt apologizedortaken any amount of ownership.
Did Paige hear the same conversation I did?
Is she just looking for reasons to forgive him?
Most of the action at the party, however, is between the new couples.
Theyre lying on the couch together and Jess says, I really want you inside of me.
(Same, sister.)
I cant believe Korys plan is actually working.
Hes been playing it so cool with Jess that she is now all hot and bothered for it.
She literally says, Why wont you sleep with me?
Some men struggle to get consent, but not our Kory.
He is making them beg for it.
He wants consent that is so powerful it could be in a Marvel movie.
The next morning, Jess is full of good reports.
(Sorry, Larsa.)
Its so funny to watch the different trajectories of our burgeoning relationships.
Jason and Rachel seem truly smitten.
Rachel, too, seems like shes actually developing feelings for the nicest guy on all of Bravo.
Meanwhile there is Jess and Kory, theShannon Tweed and Gene Simmonsof the house.
Shes so dickmatized that she is going all in on Kory.
Did he not like it the night before either, or did they not go full P in V?
Anyway he insists on her giving him head, and wouldnt you know it, he gets it.
Is Kory an asshole or some kind of dating genius?
I mean, why?
That is where its at.
I think blame lies between the two of them.
(Does that mean public school is like lube?
I may need to revisit this metaphor.)
At the party, Austen pulls Ciara aside with the dumbest plan anyone has ever heard.
He misses his girlfriend, Olivia, and wants her to come visit.
So Olivia is his girlfriend, but they havent boned yet?
Austen brings this plan up to Amanda, and she tells him she sees no problem here.
Has Amanda lost her Loverboy-drinking mind?
Of course there is a problem here.
section of Giphy flashing across my mug all at once.
She says her initial reaction is that Austen does not give a fuck about me, at all.
Yup, you are correct.
Austen says she would rather crawl in a hole and die.
Well, there we go.
You have your answer, Austen.
With that, Austen realizes its all a mistake, and Ciara is dismissed.
In a confessional, Austen says, I just get oblivious sometimes.
Wait, thats not true.
Its not that Austen is dumb; hes just blinded by his narcissism.
(And also maybe hes dumb).
Cant wait until he throws bombs at Lindsay and Carl when they arrive next episode.
Hopefully, theyll stick around longer than the Toms did.
